


You Are Not Alone!

by Charlie0831



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Angst, Crash Landing, Mattex Fic Exchange, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Save Our Mattex, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-03-29 22:08:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19028902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie0831/pseuds/Charlie0831
Summary: Alex is in a plane crash...that's all I'm giving away ...just not seen a Mattex with a plane crash yet!  lol





	1. The Crash

Today was a good day. Matt woke up in his Cardiff flat with an extra bubbling beat in his heart. The Mighty Kingston was returning and he just couldn't wait to see her. He had spoken to her on the phone yesterday to check her flight times and to argue over her insistence to get a Taxi...but, of course, he was having none of that, he wanted to be the one to pick her up. She even argued that if they were recognised together people may get the wrong impression of them being an item or something, `yeah he wishes`. So he told her he had collected Kaz and Arthur many times before, so what was the difference?... Anyway, he won that argument and fist punched the air jigging about while on the phone with smug satisfaction...because that was a first win...no really it was!  
She rolled her eyes over the phone knowing exactly what he was doing!

Pulling into the Airport on a nice summer’s evening to pick up his girl `well not exactly his girl...not yet anyway!` was so exciting, but he was also unexpectedly a bit nervous. He hadn't seen Alex in 4 months since Utah and even though they had skyped and spoken on the phone a lot, sometimes for hours at a time talking about everything and nothing. He was extremely anxious to see her again. To give her a huge cuddle and feel the heat radiating off her perfectly inviting body and breath in the glorious sweet honey smell that was uniquely Alex! 

His phone began to ring as he entered the airport heading for the flight boards…”Hey Kaz”, “You got Alex yet chinny”, “Nah just looking now...the plane should land in 15 minutes”. Ok, come around to our flat when you get back I want to see her before she settles in”. “Geez Karren, she will be knackered after that flight give the woman a moment to put her cases away”. “Oy shut it you...you got to go pick her up, didn't you?? I’m rather impressed you convinced her to let you by the way”.  
“Yeah well about that...um .. if she ever asks you or Arthur...i pick you up from the Airport regular too ok?” “OK Kaz” ….silence…”Your an idiot” ...sighing “yeah I know”. “Right then idiot number two, I’m going to go call for idiot number one to order pizza...see ya, and don't forget to pop by!” “Yeah Bye Kaz”.

Looking at the board again to double check, he made his way over to the window and sat down for a bit hoping he wouldn't get recognised by too many people when his phone rang again...caller ID showed as `The Wife`. He smiled, “Kingston, have you landed already? Speaking joyously.

“Matt, Matt is that you?” ..Her voice sounded different ...low.. kind of shakey. “Yeah course it's me, I’m near your collection point, the board says th…” she interrupted abruptly “Matt there's something wrong with the plane” he could hear a sob, heavy breathing and noises of people in the background. In an unbelieving tone as if this was a prank or something..” What do you mean there's something wrong with the plane...you've landed, haven't you?  
“Matt listen to me, Salome wouldn't answer her phone, you have to tell her...God, please tell her that I Love her so so much...please Matt, tell her I’m so proud of her and always will be and….please just...my baby…” `sob` “and tell Nicola, tell Mum and Dad I Love them...Matt please….!” Sniffling...  
“Alex..what is this?... Stop ...your scaring me...where are you...what do you mean Alex….Alex what do you mean?”. His concerned voice starting to rise. He could hear voices in the background of the phone call of people panicked getting louder and the occasional yelp…”Were going down Matt. The planes going to crash…!”  
`Did she just speak these word’s ...what the fuck is she saying...is he dreaming?` He’d never heard her voice sound so... so well...scared...it made his stomach turn in such a repulsive way like someone had pulled out his insides and mashed it all up and shoved them back in again. His brain was trying to catch up with what she was saying…` is this real...what's going on…`  
She spoke again interrupting his struggling thoughts, ”I’m scared... God Matt, I’m so scared, I’m alone... I don't want to be alone”.sobbing `.  
Matt stood up looking out of the window, he noticed a few other people on the phone doing the same...with a strange look of concern on their face as they spoke! Then he saw it!

He gulped mouth ajar with shock..he saw a plane in the distance with a trail of smoke behind it...it was small and looked far away, heading towards the runway... but it was definitely not coming in normally!  
He saw emergency services racing out of their hangers and people rushing around the airfield uncharacteristically.  
“Shit...Alex listen to me...listen to me love... you're not alone... put your head down...is your head down love? Do as it tells you to do in the pictures...can you do that?”. He could hear her crying and more panic chaos of others with rumbling and banging in the background! “Yes, I’m doing it, Matt,...please Matt...Help Me”.` His heart sinking at her desperate words.`

He could see the plane approaching at speed getting bigger and smokier as it did so, he ran his other hand through his hair in a stress-induced panic, feeling completely helpless at the scene before him.

” shut your eyes and listen to me ok...are they shut Kingston” …”Yes” .. “Ok you're going to be fine, just...just listen to my voice...Only my voice nothing else...Keep your eyes shut. I’m there with you, your not alone... I’m there ok? The plane will land fine it might be a bit bumpy but you will be fine and we will be calling in to see Kaz and Arthur later for pizza to tell them all about it...yeah?”. 

“You're a good friend Matt... thank you...thank you for making me feel so special.” `What .. is she saying goodbye...what is she doing ...no this isn't goodbye...it can’t be!`  
“You are special Kingston...don’t do that... you're going to be ok Love, it's going to be ok” 

Her voice steadied “Remember our last night in Utah Matt?? I think about it all the time... I know I just brushed it off like it was nothing ...but I felt...you made me feel like... I never got chance to tell you that I…”  
“tell me what sweetheart? I could never forget that night!” `It was only the best night in his whole existence and it didn't even involve any sex, god he’s thought about it every day since!`

“I Lo….please Just know how special you are to me Matt...Thank you Darling…Thank you for being someone I can Trust...and please tell Salome ...both of you... I love you both ! `tears are falling from his eyes...what is she saying...his mind cannot comprehend this fucked up reality`

More people running to the window. The plane was nearly at the runway coming in way too fast...wings tipping side to side struggling to level. “Alex” ….Noise thundering and vibrations shaking beneath and around him...as surreal as the sight before him. The plane roaring past in a blur...his hand slammed on the window as if reaching for her to take hold! “Alex….ALEX...!!!” ….” MATT….i CA….” CRASH…!!! The plane belly-flopped spinning violently breaking in half before his very eyes. Metal crushing, grinding, sparks flying everywhere, the ground beneath him shook like an earthquake and the whole building seemed to shudder as though it would collapse in on itself any second. The phone still held tightly to his ear as his knuckles whitened with excruciating grip. He watched helplessly trying to steady himself as the plane still sliding apart and rolling in sections slowly ground to a smokey filled halt. Flames and chaos. Fire crews and ambulances rushed to the scene immediately…”Alex...Alex are you there?” There was nothing ...silence! His hand let go of the phone as it dropped to the floor...placing both hands on the window amid the chaos...he could hear nothing now but the beating of his own heart... he watched helplessly at the burning wreckage...whispering...“Alex” !


	2. Remember Utah?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback of their last night together in Utah, 4 months before the crash. I just wanted to get a feeling of their happier times and relationship before all chaos breaks loose on these guys! Tough times ahead...but i do like happy endings so try not to stress too much!

Alex had been in bed little over an hour after a long day filming by the lake and a few drinks with the cast and crew in the bar...she was totally exhausted, but also relentlessly restless.   
The room was stuffy and the bed covers felt all wrong and strange...the more she shuffled, the more annoyed with herself she got! Throwing off the covers in one mighty “huff”, she got up and padded her bare feet across the cold tile floor, slipping into the cowgirl boots she had worn through the day and grabbing a blanket that was draped over a chair. She threw it around her shoulders and stepped out into the cool night air of the desert!

She walked across the long wooden porch that extended around the many other rooms containing mostly her work colleagues. Looking out at over the dark hills of the desert she could see shadowing in the distance lit up behind with starlight...it was quite...too quiet if you were one to be easily disturbed by such things! Alex wasn't unnerved though, she liked it...absorbed it...taking a deep breath she calmed herself into the calm around her. 

Something suddenly caught her eye at the edge of the car park...was that a person? She moved a bit closer squinting to see through the dark...it was the red classic car they had used during filming. She walked over, slowly and hesitantly until she was able to relax when she could make out that the figure lying on his back over the bonnet of the car with his knees up...was actually Matt.

“What are you doing out here?” she directed at him as she approached. Limbs flew up off the car like an electric current had run up his arse “Fuck’s sake Kingston..you scared the fucking shit out of me”. She nearly keeled over with laughter as she watched his gangly body flapping five feet up off the bonnet… “Oh my god... I’m so sorry” Still laughing...nearly wetting her pants…” and wash your mouth out with soap Matthew” Still laughing! He relaxed back down now smiling at her and then giggled a bit watching her until he actually laughing too! “Jesus Kingston way to give a man a heart attack, what are you doing out here alone in the dark?”. She moved closer to stand by the bonnet, “couldn't sleep, I always have trouble winding down Darling...what about you?”. “Yeah me too, I just wanted to see the stars though, there are so many out here, have you seen? ...it's not like home... I don't get it, isn't it the same sky?”   
She giggled at his questioning “You're in the desert Matt, there’s no light pollution from the ground... I thought you're supposed to know this space stuff...you know being the Doctor and all”. He looked away from the stars again back to her “Oy don’t diss the Doctor...i’m not from Earth am I….anyway get up here with me a bit I’m lonely”. She looked at the bonnet quizzically…” umm I’m not sure it will hold both of us, sweetie, it might damage the car”.

Matt rolled his eyes sitting up and holding out his hand “ there’s more weight in fairy dust than there is in you, so get your arse up here now”. Reaching out her hand, hesitating only momentarily she grasped his warm inviting fingers and he slid her up as she yelped onto the smooth red bonnet…” there ya go, now lie back against the window and look up”. She shook her head and did as she was told then gasped as she actually took the time to focus above. “Wow, Matt...it’s Beautiful...it really is!“. “Really beautiful,” he said without even taking his eyes off her. Her face and hair glowing in starlight she looked enchanting almost magical! She looked back down to noticed him staring at her, he cleared his throat and looked up again. “Wouldn't it be great if the Tardis really worked and we could go up there Kingston?”, she smiled feeling the warmth radiating off his body down one side of hers...looking back up “It would be amazing wouldn't it...what do you think you would find out there?” “umm, perhaps a few Ood’s and Judoon’s and stuff...they could exist, couldn't they... I believe anything is possible really...don't you?”. Smirking “ your such a big kid, I bet you still believe in Santa too don’t you?”. “Oy you wound me Kingston where's your imagination these days?” “ Oh, I have imagination Darling...just not about this stuff that's all!” Matt scoffed looking down at her again sniggering “I bet you do...care to enlighten me on that!” “Hmm, perhaps when your older Mr Smith” …”Shut up, I’m old enough for anything your complicated kinky mind can come up with...trust me Kingston...you couldn't shock me even if you tried!”. “ Hmm, I will keep that in mind” She smirked and gave him a cheeky wink! “You bloody better,” he says! 

They both sighed looking up again, letting silence take hold for a moment, Matt felt the cool breeze, looking over concerningly at Alex as she pulled the blanket tighter around her. “You cold” “ What ..oh no I’m fine sweetie”. Tutting out loud at her apparent denial ...and moving his arm up “Come on scooch in I promise not to grope you” she giggled like a schoolgirl and almost felt like one too she snuggled into him and he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in tighter… she swallowed mouth going dry a bit at the feel of his body “I was ok you know it's not that cold”. He looked down at this beautiful woman he had held against him, sensing her insecurity a bit… “I know, but I was cold and I just needed you to warm me up is all” She laughed. She rested her head on his shoulder as they both looked above…” do you know any constellations or stars?” she questioned. “Err yeah...pointing up...do you see those nine stars there that look almost like a “W”. “Umm where...oh yeah I see them” “That’s the `Great Boob’s Of Kingston` Constellation” She laughed into his shoulder” he giggled back at her sweetness. “I love it Darling...tell me another one you filthy sod”. So Matt spent the next hour making up names for stars and constellations and Alex came up with a few crude ones of her own trying to compete of course. It was a fun game that matched their unique and odd sense of humour! They calmed again into another easy silence.

Matt suddenly felt a moment of sadness within him, “what time are you leaving for LA tomorrow Kingston?”. She sighed “about 11ish...you?” “Yeah, a bit before...about 10 I think Arthur said”....stroking her arm a bit as he spoke, “I’ll miss you ya know...it's not the same without you.”  
She looked up at him looking down at her with honest eyes, `she loved his eyes they were so old sole, so wise and understanding...she could get lost in those eyes` “You have Karen and Arthur...i'm sure they will keep you busy”.   
"Yeah, they do, their fun like a brother and sister and it's great teasing Kaz all the time...but I click more with you...when I give anyone else a flirtatious joke or challenge them with my excruciating annoyance...they don't bite back. But you do...you get it...your the only one that actually understands me believe it or not.”   
She was shocked at his completely frank openness and felt a little overwhelmed by his admission.   
“ Well...thank you Darling, that means alot...and I hope you know I will miss you too ya know! Hmm If Karen and Arthur are like a brother and sister that must mean I'm like your mother then” she sighed.   
Matt squeezed her arm a bit “I can safely say that I have never once looked at you as a mother figure Alex...that would be far too inappropriate with the thoughts I have” laughing to himself!   
She playfully slapped him “uff you...you're incorrigible, putting on the innocent clumsy child act in front of people, when actually, you're quite frankly a bad bad boy!!” “You see you do know me Kingston”. 

“Hmm anyway, Steven said I should be back for filming again in four months so that’s something I guess. Call me though won't you, I love to hear about all your naughty antics”. Rubbing her harm again “course I will, I’m not sure I could cope for 4 months without hearing your voice... you're bloody addictive...it's quite annoying actually! I bet it's nice to be with Sal again though, tell her she is going to owe me £5 too”.   
“What...have you been teaching my daughter to bet or something Matthew?”.   
“Well she told that I won't be getting married to you this season...but I don't know, I just have a strong feeling it's going to happen in the way Moff has been teasing me. He did say we will get to find out who River song actually is in the next episode with you though!”. She smirked at him humming to herself.  
“Oy... I know you know Kingston...tell me” …..“What...no way darling I have been sworn to secrecy by the Man himself”. Matts puppy dog eyes appeared “Please Kingston tell me I won't say anything I promise!”. “Nope”... “I can make you”...”Not a chance sweetie”. Matt rolled over and started tickling her under her arms laughing “tell me” She was laughing squirming at his tormenting touch. “Nooo, Matt ...stop it... I can’t Matt” still tickling “I need to know...tell me” “ Nooo pleeeease” He gave up “Arrrgh you're a hard nut to crack Alex!” 

Huffing to himself sliding down off the bonnet...come on it's getting late we best make a move love.  
He took her hand and helped her down, pulling the blanket back around her shoulders when it fell off. He wrapped his arm over her shoulder as they walked back to their rooms.  
Stopping outside Alex’s room, She sighed “ Well then... I will make sure I come and wave you all off before you go in the morning Matt”. “You better, I need a goodbye hug”. Smiling “I will give you one now just to be safe, shall I? “Puppy dog eyes again and pouty lip “yes please”.   
She giggled stepping into him and wrapping her arms around him, her head on his chest. He threw his arms around her and rested his chin on her wonderful hair breathing her wonderfully unique Alex scent. He squeezed possessively and placed a kiss gently on her head, she looked up lovingly and he just couldn't help it...his mouth moved to her mouth and they just kissed...gently, delicately.   
She didn't flinch. It was just natural, comfortable. She parted her lips slightly and he claimed her fully with more passion, his hands moving up to run fingers through her wondrous hair. She brought her hands behind his neck, caressing him with her fingers and their tongues collided when unknown forces took hold. It was the most intoxicating romantic kiss he’d ever felt, sending sparks of desire surging through his body!   
Alex was lost, lost in his magical touch and in her own desire and lust for him...she felt a burning within something awakening inside… a feeling more powerful than anything she’d ever felt before, it was electrifying but felt so easy, so comforting and safe too!   
They kissed and they kissed both holding onto a feeling they didn't want to let go of any time soon, until they actually needed to breath and gasp for air! They both pulled apart breathlessly and flush, staring into each other with both love and shock...Alex folded her lips in still feeling his tingling touch...Matt smiled clearing his throat a bit “Well that was...err, that was a nice goodbye hug wasn't it?”. She pulled away and stepped back a hand still holding onto his own giggling a bit..”umm yes it was rather, errr unforgettable...hmm, we best not hug like that tomorrow otherwise everyone may want a turn”.  
He laughed …” I think your right” nodding…”Well then Miss Kingston hope you can get a bit of sleep now anyway and I will catch you in the morning with the others I guess”. “Yes you too matt, Thanks for...well for tiring me out I suppose` smirking and giving him a cheeky wink` Goodnight Darning” She pulled away, their hands stretching as far as possible before they both had to let go.   
“Goodnight Alex” Matt smiled and winked back. She closed the door and he hummed to himself as he walked back to his room with a smile you couldn't wipe off his face! 

What a night that was!


	3. Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I struggled to get to grips with this chapter so sorry it's all over the place...still learning lol ...

The Airport was suddenly filled with nothing but chaos and people scattering everywhere in a panic. Matt was still in shock at what he had just witnessed and what he was still seeing looking out through the window. His eyes were straining trying to focus through the smoke to see if anyone was fleeing the wreckage. Fire crews and ambulances swarmed the field like ants around sugar. He couldn't tell who was a passenger or who was assisting…his eyes searching aimlessly for any sign of a curly-haired Kingston! He needed to do something...but what could he do!   
Looking down to the ground he grabbed his phone off the floor and tried to call her again, `please pick up, please pick up Alex`...nothing got through, the line was dead!   
His fear turned to anger and desperation to know…” argh”, running over to try and get through checkings, perhaps a way to the airfield...he was held back by guards. “No sir you can’t go through there”! Running his fingers shakily through his hair, spinning agitatedly around…” but I need to get through, I just want to help ...please I need to find someone...please just let me through”.   
The guy shoved him back by his shoulders as Matt became a bit too overbearing. “Sorry sir, the best thing you can do if you know someone on board is go to the nearest hospital...that's where they will be taking people they find”!   
`God he felt so helpless, Alex was there...right there somewhere on the other side of this bloody wall, he couldn't get through. She could be stuck. she could be injured. She could be...well….no she can't be that!`.  
Right he made up his mind, he was going to do as the annoying guy suggested and head straight to the hospital. He turned and ran through the crowds of flustered people to get to his car...he doesn't remember the drive there, in fact, he doesn't know even how he made it without crashing himself...but as he walked into the ER entrance he could hear a whole lot of sirens in the distance.   
It was then that the first casualties started to show! .The hospital soon became as chaotic as the airport with people looking for their loved ones and doctors and nurses drowning in bodies, wounded, burned...dead…!

Matt was watching as the sea of stretchers roll past him with people that all looked the same to be honest...bloody, dirty, shocked. `Maybe he’s missed her, she could have rolled past already`. searching for her unique trademark curls that separated her from others. `please Alex where are you?`

Then, as if the heavens had opened, she was suddenly rushed by in front of him like God himself had granted his wish. He would know that incredible head of hair anywhere!. His heart skipped a beat as he called out “Kingston”.   
Squeezing through to reach her, was like swimming through treacle… everything tried to hold him back, but he forced his way to reach her hand on the rolling trolly. Gasping for breath as he reached her...“Alex”.

She was awake... shocked, not focusing on anything in particular, her eyes darting in all directions, “Alex it's me, its Matt, you're ok... I’m here it's ok”.   
She didn't respond, he looked down to the red on her blood-soaked side, his arm was covered in it from brushing against her. “ You know this woman?” One of the paramedics asked as they were rolling…Matt was still looking at Alex in shock, “sir...you know this woman?”   
He woke up from his clouded state…” sorry yes...yes I do...she’s Alex Kingston... I’m her...her friend”. The guy probably would have recognized them if it was not for the intense chaotic situation they found themselves in.  
Pointing over to the woman at the desk, he gave instructions. “Right, Miss Kingston is number 24...remember that 24, and tell the lady there her number and name or any other information on contacts she requires, then she will tell you where to go next ok!”

“No... but I need to stay with her...she needs me to stay”...Shaking his head “ Sorry you can’t, we need to stop this bleeding immediately, you have to let us do our jobs now sir.   
Matt swallowed understanding that she needed their help at this moment and he couldn't help her. As they stopped the trolly, he bent down to kiss her head. “I'm right here Alex...your safe, they are just going to fix you up ok... I’m right here sweetheart”, She still didn't respond, only a few tears escaped her eyes.  
The trolly moved away again as Matt regretfully let go of her hand watching her disappear from sight, taking his heart with them! 

While nervously queuing to sort Alex's information out, Matt phoned Stephen to get him to contact Alex parents or sister and let them know she was safe in the hospital at this moment in time. They lived quite a few hours away so he didn't expect to see them anytime soon! Then he phoned Karen and Arthur who were already on their way.  
All he could do now was wait...and it was painful waiting! He was going stir crazy...he paced the floor like a mad man. Stood up. Sat down. Bit his nails. Broke hospital equipment accidentally by fiddling. Bought a sandwich and took one small bite then threw it away, he asked the Staff about Alex around fifteen...no, sixteen times. It was torture...utter torture, his head was spinning! He felt sick and went to the bathroom where he threw up a couple of times!! 

Then just as he was coming out of the bathroom a nurse approached him “You're with Miss Kingston Arnt you” …”Yes, yes I am, is she alright? Where is she?” “Follow me, she’s doing ok”. She lead him out through the chaos down some quieter corridors until they reached a room, they stood outside the door as she spoke. “Miss Kingston had a severe laceration on her left lower abdomen, but the doctors have stopped the bleeding and stitched her up. She has a few other minor cuts and bruises but nothing of concern and she is being treated for shock at the moment too, so don't expect too much from her.”

Matt swallowed nervously, just wanting to get in there to be with her...remembering her words from the phone call “I don’t want to be alone”.  
The nurse opened the door and let him Walkthrough as she left, “Someone will be by soon”.   
Alex was laid on the bed slightly raised. Her eyes were shut, she looked peaceful he thought, her skin was cleaner and he could make out a few small scratches on her face as he approached...nothing that wouldn't go away though. He took her hand in his, she was cold he thought and put his other hand over to create warmth, he sat on the edge of the bed looking down at her tangled mess of hair..`she would be distraught at the sight of it if she was aware he thought to himself`, but to him she was just as beautiful and most importantly alive and breathing...and his heart calmed finally as he watched her rest!   
She began to stir and moan, then she opened her eyes slowly trying to focus. Matt stroked her hand with his thumb as he held it, trying to soothe her as she woke. “Hey, sweetheart” Matt spoke gently. “Matt?”... “Yes, it’s Matt, your ok Alex”....“Where am I? what am I doing here?”. 

He was unsure how to deal with her like this...it was very unnerving seeing her so confused and vulnerable. “You're in hospital love, you hurt your side in the crash, but you're going to be fine Kingston, you just need to rest that's all”.   
She tried to sit up...“Crash...oh..” just then her eyes changed into that of sudden fear and her breathing went from nothing to an escalated rate of sheer panic, she threw her arms forcefully to grab the mattress of the bed tightly gripping the sheets as she did so... forcing matts hands away... “I can’t breath...Matt, I can't breath” sweat was running off her face now and her chest was heaving with great force trying everything in its power to grasp for air!

Matt ran out into the corridor shouting for help… a nurse ran in trying to get her to gain control over her breathing as another nurse came and put something in her drip. “What’s wrong, what's happening,” Matt asked, pacing the floor, chewing his nails, never taking his eyes off Alex for one more second as she struggled to gain control. His face was white as a sheet at the sight of her. “She's having a panic attack Mr. Smith...she's been through a lot today we have given her something to help calm her, it will kick in in a couple of minutes”.   
Matt walked around the side of the bed as she began to calm and stroked her hair “Its ok Alex just breath steady, your safe now...nice steady breaths. She looked at him as tears ran down her face “I was so scared Matt...i thought I died...have I died? I don't know”. “Your alive Alex, I’m here, your safe..nobody can take the Mighty Kingston down you should know that. You just need to rest now Love, close your eyes and try to rest”. She obeyed his demand and sleep took her exhausted self within minutes after she shut her eyes!   
Matt pulled up a chair and took her hand as she slept, leaning over he gave her a gentle kiss and rested his head next to her until sleep took him too.

Seven weeks had passed since that dreadful day and Alex had been staying with her sister in Surrey until she felt well enough to return to work. Floran had brought Salome over to stay for a few weeks, as all she wanted was to make sure her mum was ok. Alex had been seeing a counselor to help her get through the days as it were. Steven had told her not to worry about filming yet, as he could do all the other episodes and scenes without her for the moment. He just insisted she took all the time she needed...even though he was actually stressing privately that perhaps she won't make this season at all!  
Matt had been seeing someone to help him too, at the insistence of his sister Laura! He had nights where he would wake up, his body drenched in sweat after witnessing the crash all over again in his dreams, sometimes he would envision Alex trapped inside the wreckage, which would almost kill him as he woke!   
They spoke on the phone most days and he visited surry a few times baring gifts for Alex and Salome...she seemed to be doing well. Their chats were light-hearted and mostly about work, but never about the events of what happened though!

Matt, Karen and Arthur were on set in between takes of filming in the Tardis, when Karen suddenly squealed, “eeeeeek Alex!”   
Matt spun around on the balls of his feet to see none other than Alex Kingston gliding through the doors like she owned the place, waving at the crew and chatting as she strolled past.   
She wore a lovely knee length dress, low heels, her curls were full with sunglasses perched on top, the perfect image of seasonal class. He noticed her weight had dropped a bit but he tried not to worry or think too much into it, putting it down to the stress of weeks past.   
He couldn't help but smile at her though, waltzing through the building, bringing the brightness of the summer outside along with her indoors with a fresh breezy agenda. 

Karen collided with her and they threw their arms around each other. “Hello Mrs Pond” she smiled. “Alex, what are you doing back, I thought you were going to be away another few weeks at least?”   
“I know Karen but I was actually going insane at my sister's house and I just wanted to get back to what i know and what i enjoy... I’m really not one for hanging around in one spot for too long….and sisters are very annoying to be quite honest” They giggled as they walked up to the guys…”Look who i found boys” Karren joyously announced!  
Arthur was next to throw his arms around her “Welcome home Alex, we missed you...hopefully, it will put a smile back on his miserable mutt.” Nudging Matt ...“Oy I’m not Miserable Mate i just wanted my woman back”, giving her a cheeky wink as he went in for a hug too. “Hello Honey”  
“Your woman Darling...honestly...we're not married yet you know...i could be married to Jack Harkness for all you know”. Pulling away. “If you're trying to make me jealous it won't work...i have already had words with Jack...he can look... but don’t touch...in fact, i actually told him to not even look!” They joked around a bit until they were called back on set, while Alex went to talk things over with Stephen.  
Matt let everyone disperse before he decided to speak his mind, then approached her before she went to chat with Stephen. ”You surprised me being back here Kingston, it was a bit unexpected to be honest...are you sure you're ready for this...i mean don't you think it's a bit soon love?”   
Alex shook her curls, smiling, “I’m fine sweetie honestly, i just need to be busy now.. i need things to focus on...god you sound just like our Nicola...i’ve come here to get away from her nagging Matt!”   
“Sorry Alex I’m just worried about you... i won't mention it again ok! But please, if anything is bothering you or you don't feel right or just want a chat let me know ok... I’m always here for you ya know that”. She leaned in to kiss his cheek “I know Matt, Thank you Darling everything's going fine. Smiling.   
“Well, i best go see the man himself and get my scripts sorted...No spoilers though Mr Smith”. He stuck out his tongue…”Spoilsport Kingston” and walked off to film.” 

Filming on Monday began and everyone was glad to see River Song back on set strutting her stuff and finally the secret was out and everyone now knew that River was, in fact, Amy and Rory's Daughter. They were just doing the scene in the hangar where River shows up after Amy’s baby had been taken at Demons Run...they were halfway through. 

River- “Doctor the word for healer and wise man throughout the universe, we get that word from you-you know, but if you carry on the way you are...what might that word come to mean” She walks around the Doctor as he turns around with her. “To the people of the Gamma Forests, the word `Doctor` means mighty warrior...how far you've come!” The Doctor paces away and then turns back again towards River looking angry “And now they've taken a child a child of your best friends, just to bring you down...and all this my love... in fear of you!”

Just as Matt was about to deliver his line, one of the lighting grew accidentally knocked over one of the spotlights off its block and it came crashing down, the noise echoing through the hanger in a deafening clash. Alex screamed as her legs gave way beneath her and she scrunched up into a ball faster than the noise itself, hands flying up over her ears, eyes screwing shut like she was going to be struck be a meteorite any moment. Matt flew to her collapsing down to her level wrapping his arm around her back “Alex...Alex, it's ok...it was just a light love”... she stayed in the same position a moment as the rest of the cast and crew look on in shock. She raised her head slowly bringing her shaking hands down from her ears...Matt stroked her back…” your ok love, come on it's ok. “ Her eyes glazed over as she was trying to contain her tears, but she couldn't contain her embarrassment. “Oh god... I’m so sorry, it...it just made me jump, umm i think…. can...can i just take a moment” she said as she raised back up off the ground nervously, careful to not make eye contact with anyone but Matt!  
“Yeah that’s fine, let's go get you a tea shall we”. “That sounds good Matt Thanks”. He shouted over to Steven..” just taking a break Stephen, won’t be long” Stephen put his thumbs up fully understanding the need to calm the situation down. The scene was eventually completed late afternoon and Alex finally took a deep breath as she left the studio with the others heading back to their flats,   
Later that evening….

Text The Wife - Friday night Kingston...Remember what we do on Fridays after work?

Text Matt - Already bet you to it sweetie ..in the pub already waiting for my team...Get a shift on!!

Text The Wife - blimy love your normally the last one there, should have waited for us though, don't want you sat on your own!

Text Matt - Making friends with the locals, all is well..the drinks are flowing, 

Text The Wife - ok but you shouldn't talk to strangers Kingston...we won't be long you bad bad girl!

Text Matt - ok Darling see you soon! X x A

“Can’t believe Alex is here already, I’ve got some catching up to do now” Karen said eagerly as they walked over to the pub. “She's probably just letting her hair down a bit after being cooped up all this time...can't blame the woman actually” Arthur insisted.   
Matt just listed and nodded as he anxiously pulled the door open. His eyes widened at the sight before him.  
There at the bar with a glass of red wine in hand was Alex Kingston wearing a skimpy little red number...enough to make him drool more than usual, with matching red heels, her hair was putting everything else to shame. She was surrounded by 3 unknown guys laughing and giggling as they loomed over her chatting obscenely and one of them even put his hand on her back for a brief moment. `how fucking dare he` Matt clenched his fists.   
He, Karen and Arthur eyeballed each other, as the approached not sure how to interrupt this little private get together… Arthur spoke, “Kaz your the loudest go get her”. She rolled her eye’s…” your both idiots, she's only chatting for christ sake”. They watched her as she marched right up to the bar like a woman possessed.  
“Alright break it up...Alex we're here now...time to leave these guys, to their stinky guy stuff and come join us on our special table, sorry boy’s!   
“Oh hey Karen, just making some new friends, these guys are so incredibly funny”. Karen grabbed her arm and started pulling her away “Yeah, that's great Alex...but we've missed you, so it's our turn now ok” Looking back “sorry boys but we have to steal her for a bit” smiling back fakely.   
They all moaned a bit and smirked as they left, “ Catch you later guys...remember what i said Robert `winking`, as Alex wobbled away nearly spilling her wine with Karen's insistent pulling!

They slid into the booth were Matt and Arthur were sat arms crossed like two angry parents about to tell her off for her unruly behavior.“ Well, you two look happy” Alex smirked as she took another sip of her wine, Matt shook his head…” I’m going to the bar...i’ll get the usual for everyone” sighing as he slid out of the booth.  
Alex’s eyebrows raised “what's up with him?” Arthur scratched his face…” umm i don’t think he was too comfortable with you flirting with those three guys you don’t really know...its a bit unlike you Alex”...She scoffed “that's ridiculous... I’m a grown woman and i wasn't flirting anyway”. Arthur could tell she was a bit tipsy...a bit overconfident in the way she talked “how long have you been here Alex?” ….” oh i don't know...what does it matter Arthur” sipping her drink eyes gazing across to Matt a moment.   
Karen quickly changed the subject between them after feeling a bit of tension in the air!

Matt was at the bar ordering drinks near the guys, trying not to engage in any sort of conversation when one of them piped up. “ You play the Doctor don’t you mate?”. He looked up “Um yeah i do” he smiled looking away again, wishing the woman would bloody hurry up with those drinks!   
“Yeah...good on ya...Gees you're a lucky sod working with Alex Kingston...she’s bloody hot as fuck”. The guys laughed all nodding in agreement. Matt just nodded smiling uncomfortably. One of the other guys voiced his drunken opinion to the others...ere mate did you ever watch her in that Moll Flanders,...wanked over that a few times i can tell you. They all laughed.   
Matt had his fists clenched and felt a wave of anger burning through him `how fucking dare they`..”I would watch your mouth if i were you lads” Politely trying his best not to rip the fucking heads off each one of them and slam dunk them into their own chuffing beers!   
He grabbed the drinks as soon as they appeared and began to walk away when the one called Robert spoke out, “Yeah i will be watching my mouth in a few nights I’m sure...all over her hot sexy body, gave me her number she did to hook up...can't bloody wait to get in those pants...score! Laughing. Matt was fuming, uncontrollably fuming... he slammed the tray down onto the nearest table and within two strides had thrown a punch so hard that Mike Tyson would have been shocked, the guy flew off his stool backwards crashing to the floor, in shock. The two others staring just as shocked!

 

Arthur’s eyes popped out of his sockets as he saw the unbelievable scene unfold and rushed to Matt’s defense before the guy hit the ground. Grabbing Matts arm he pulls him away from the ridiculously intense situation. Karen and Alex had come closer with a look of horror on the faces as Arthur dragged Matt straight past them and out through the door “Were going….NOW “ Arthur demanded and he meant all of them and they didn't argue! Matt was still angry and shrugged off Arthur as they got outside “What the hell were you thinking mate...you can't just start a bar fight ...are you crazy...what if someone had a camera...do you realize what that could do to you!”.  
“Argh, shove off Arthur the guy was asking for it, bloody got less than he deserved”.   
“What the hell did he say to you.” Karen yelled. Matt ignored her and looked over at a flustered Alex, shaking his head in what looked like disappointment. “What the hell were you thinking Kingston?” she felt put on the spot…`how is this her fault` her eyes darted between Karen and Arthur then back to Matt. “What...your saying this is my fault...how is this my fault Matt?”. He stepped closer “Yes it bloody is your fault...have you ever seen those guys before...they could be anybody...you came here alone Alex...alone, anything could have happened!” .   
Alex became slightly annoyed at his undermining lecture and leveled with him. “Let me just get one thing straight Matthew... i can go where i want, when i want and with whom i want. Nobody owns me, Sweetie, I’m a free agent and what i do i my spare time is none of yours or anyone else's goddam business for that matter”.   
She begins to walk away .. “you gave some random guy your number to hook up... I’m pretty sure it will be everyone's business when he’s selling you out to the papers after a quick shag”. She Spins around and slaps him across the face. He didn't seem surprised. She looked angry like she was going to yell some more or kick him violently in the knackers as they stared at each other in a standoff.  
Karen and Arthur standing well back watching on with gobsmacked faces and with mouths ajar.   
She said nothing more though as her features slowly softend and her eyes suddenly filled with tears she bit her lip, shaking her head and walked away.   
Matt watched her a moment, then closed his eyes and dropped his head, shoulders slumped….¬what had happened, where is my friend, why is she behaving this way` she had been so unrecognizable to him, he didn't know what to do!


	4. Secret Struggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING....This chapter has the death of a child and a description of dead people.

Things were uncomfortable and felt awkward filming over the next few days.   
Alex would come in wearily apologizing for being late, wearing sunglasses even on a grey day until she went into makeup.  
She was civil with Matt but kept her distance as much as she could. They still found it easy to get into character supposedly it was a relief to pretend to be someone else for a while.  
He noticed her little routine at break as she would get her lunch from the cafe...a bowl of pasta, some salad, an apple, and a juice. She would play with the pasta for 10 minutes stirring it and stabbing it occasionally, sometimes taking one or two mouth fulls but no more. Then she would drink her juice, eat 1 tomato and put the apple in her bag for later.   
His concern was growing greatly by the second and he knew he had to say something, but was unsure how to approach her, having already been slapped for interfering in her life! 

“Go and talk to her Matt” Karen broke his thoughts in between steady sips of coffee. “I’m not sure what to say Kaz”.   
“Just go sit with her, I’m sure something will come to mind...have you seen her lately...she’s not right... i think she needs you right now whether she knows it or not! You were her best mate, before all this and i know you Love her”. Matt shook his head “Don’t Kaz” .   
“No Matt...we all saw the sparks between you two, you were made for each other, so don’t give up on her now just because she’s struggling” He looks back over at Alex disappearing out to the trailers. “Your right Kaz...i have been an idiot and left her alone too long...i will fix this!”   
“Good boy and I’m always right you moron. Now go get her please because it's chuffing boring around here without you two flirting”.

Matt was a man on a mission as he marched outside across the yard to Alex’s trailer, he didn't hesitate once giving a confident knock on the door!   
“Just a minute”. He waited a bit then could hear her approaching and she opened the door absentmindedly. Her face looked a bit startled, “Matt, um do they want us back already? “   
“ No... i just came to talk with you actually Kingston...can i come in a moment”. She moved to to the side letting him pass, not saying anything. He walked over to the sofa and sat down, rubbing his hands together a bit anxiously. She folded her arms defensively and leaned against the counter, “what is it Matt...what are you here for?”   
He looked at her features, so cut off from the world, her defenses were high he could see that easily. She looked so fragile and vulnerable. She was there the woman he loved...but she also wasn't fully there... something in her eyes had changed the joyous twinkle that was entirely Kingston had faded and it pained him to see. `God how he missed her smile, her wonderful laugh, and outrageously confident banter!`.   
He sighed “Come over here Kingston”, she took a moment then approached and sat down next to him carefully, fingers anxiously wrapping around each other on her knees, he took her hands to still her.  
She looked at him and swallowed, “I’m sorry Matt...for the other night, i didn't mean to hit you...i had too much to drink and lost control a bit...i didn't mean….i didn't want to hurt you in any way Matt, you must know that”. A small tear escaped her eye. He nodded acceptingly.  
“I know sweetheart...i know your struggling with things, but, i wish you would talk to me about it...what's going on with you? I’m here to help...we all are...please let us help!” 

She looked down at their hands entwined and shut her eyes for a brief moment before looking back up at him again. “I just feel numb Matt...ever since…..i just can't feel anything anymore...i wanted to do something reckless and stupid and be inappropriate...i don't know why...i really don’t….she looked away ashamedly...I had actually made up my mind to sleep with that horrible guy because i thought it would make me feel something...anything...even if it was shame! She looked down again unable to look into his eyes after her blunt confession.

Matt nodded as he listened thanking the heavens they actually went to the pub that night and saved her from that filthy Twat…He brushed a curl behind her ear “Alex listen to me...you've been through a lot and i know you're not eating well i have seen it” She shook her head…”No listen to me Alex….listen.. this isn't me interfering in your business... this is me looking after the person i care most about in this entire world and I’m not going to sit idly by and watch you self destruct...i just can't do it Alex, i have to be honest with you...even if you don’t like to hear it! 

“I’m sorry Matt” She sobbed and leaned into him crying, he embraced her lovingly.   
”Look sweetheart lets get through the day yeah and then why don’t you come round to the flat tonight for dinner yeah? I will cook something extra special and creative like super long spaghetti and bolognese from a jar...how’s that sound?” She giggled through tears “That sounds wonderful Darling. Thank you”. As she pulled back. “Well i aim to please Kingston” giving her a small kiss on her forehead and looking back into her eyes again seriously, “ We will fix this...it's going to be ok love, we’ll have dinner and have a good chat yeah?” “Ok, I’ll try“ nodding as she brushed her tears away!

Later that evening Alex knocked on Matts door. He opened it within seconds and grinned cheekily, putting on a posh voice, “welcome Miss may i take your coat?”. She smirked, “why yes thank you kind sir”. Matt felt ecstatic, that was the most he had seen her act like her actual self Utah. He hung up her jacket, as she slung off her flats. She was wearing tight fitting jeans and a long-sleeved rock shirt! He loved how she made herself at home curling her feet up under her on the sofa as Matt got their drinks. “Wine Kingston?” …” um no just a Tea thank you” ...Matt looked at her quizzically…” you can have a wine you know, I’m not judging you or anything Alex”. 

“I know...i just haven't eaten much today so i don't want it to go to my head or anything.”   
He gave an understanding smile, “Oh, ok love...lets see if we can get some food down you tonight ay...my cooking is first class I’ll have you know”!   
She sniggered “First class you say...I'll be the judge of that Mr Smith” he laughed “I’m sure you will Kingston”.  
He brought the Tea over one for himself too, as he didn't want to have a glass without her. ”So are you going to tell me why your not eating much these days and please don't tell me this is some sort of bloody diet or anything?”  
She sighed knowing he was going to press her for things and she was a bit unsure how much she could handle. “I just don't have an appetite anymore Matt..i’m just struggling to stomach things that's all”. “Hmm, how's your side been” Looking to her left side remembering the feeling he felt when he saw her covered in blood that night, sending a shiver of dread surging through his body. “Oh that’s healed really well...there's a scar of course but it doesn't hurt anymore”.   
He smiled “That's good. Well let's try this spag bol shall we... you have to eat it all or i will be utterly offended Kingston.” She giggled “I will do my best not to offend you Sweetie”. He eyed her “you better!”.  
They chatted over dinner about random things, work and the new play Alex was interested in taking in London, about how Salome was getting on at school and a few projects that had caught Matts eyes if he weren't currently playing the Doctor. It was easy and comforting feeling like old times and before Alex knew it she had nearly devoured the whole plate!   
Matt looked impressed and satisfied when he took her plate away.   
“Well i think someone liked my cooking...perhaps i should open a restaurant or something if it's that good!”.  
Alex stretched “God i’m too full now, i need to lie down”. She hauled herself over to the sofa and crashed out flat. Matt laughed, “that's what i like to see...my job here is done”!   
Alex looked up “Alright don't get too cocky...but yeah, it actually was the best thing I’ve eaten in ages, perhaps i should get you to cook more often sweetie….what else can you make?” He thought for a moment “Err let me get back to you on that” . She laughed.  
Matt came over and lifted her feet up placing her legs back down on his lap… there was a comfortable silence as Alex shut her eyes and relaxed as he naturally began to massage her feet. She let out a contented sigh and he smiled, speaking with her eyes shut ...“I’m lucky to know you Matt...if i forget later...thank you for taking care of me!”. “There’s nowhere else i would rather be Kingson”.

Matt let her rest and before long she had fallen asleep, he covered her in a blanket looking down at her fondly. How utterly beautiful she looked, he wished he could show her how he really felt. How he has always loved her and would protect her. How he would do anything to spend the rest of his life with her. He thought about doing just that when he was going to pick her up from the airport that day. He had planned to tell her everything...everything in his bursting infatuated heart. Now he’s not sure when, or if she will ever be able to accept him. He already knew what her concerns would be knowing her better than the back of his own hand. Age gap, children, peoples opinions, work, Sal, LA, UK..she would have a list as long as the river nile? But at the same time thinking back to their last night together in Utah...he knows she felt it too...she even said so as the plane was falling frantically out of the sky, but he couldn't approach it and he wouldn't. She had enough to deal with, without having to put up with a lovesick puppy too! All he could do at this moment in time was look after her the best way he knew how and at least while she was here by his side, under his roof, he was at peace with that!   
He cleared the pots away then went to put his pajama bottoms on, wondering whether on not to lift her into the bedroom, of if it would disturb her too much.  
He heard her moan in her sleep and walked closer to observe.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Waiting to board the plane Alex sat with a pen doing a crossword from her Magazine, while thinking of the answer she gazed around. A boy caught her attention, a small boy perhaps 7 or 8, he had dark hair and gangly limbs...he instantly reminded her of a young Matt Smith. The boy was sat on his mother's knee playing with a transformer staring at Alex intensely. His father who was sat beside him offered him a crisp and the child pointed over to Alex and said something to his father. The man looked over and smiled, so Alex smiled back and pretended to look back down at her crossword. She slowly glanced back overseeing the man and child giggling and looking over again. She smiled and shook her head releasing they must have recognized who she was, looking back down, she got back into solving her question!.

The next time Alex saw the boy was during the flight. He was walking up the aisle with his mother when he spotted her again and stopped dead. His mother nearly falling over him, “Oliver you can't just stop like that what are you doing?” She then did a double take at who the boy was staring and smiling at….. “oh i’m sorry for my son staring at you ...he’s a bit obsessed with Doctor who at the moment, i’m so sorry”.  
Alex smiled fondly, “It’s no problem honestly” Looking back down at the boy who was completely fascinated by her, she did her trademark, “Hello sweetie”.   
He laughed and shyly said “Hi honey I’m home” as he giggled. Alex thought this Mini Matt was probably the cutest boy she had ever seen in her life...could certainly give her Mr Smith a run for his money. “And what sort of time do you call this?” Looking at her watch playfully. The boy and his mother laughed...then the boy became more confident as he spoke again, “Erm River...how come your not traveling in the Tardis?”   
She was so glad she was pretty good at improvising at this point because she couldn't bare to crush the little Whovians heart by faltering at her act in the slightest. “Well the Doctor has been playing with the Tardis and broke it again like he always does... so I’m meeting him at the Airport while he fixes it”. The boy thought for a second…”What about you vortex Nipulator” he pointed to his wrist!   
“Wow your a smart one Oliver you should be the Doctors next companions...but you see i lent my Vortex to Jack Harkness and he hasn’t given me it back yet, but we're going to go and collect it when the Tardis is fixed”. The boy looked satisfied with her answer and whispered: “that’s cool River”. His mother began to usher him away, “come on Oliver you’ve taken enough of River Songs time.”   
Alex spoke “It's been my pleasure honestly”, she put out her hand to shake…”It was nice to meet you Oliver, i will be sure to tell the Doctor all about you!” He giggled and shook her hand then gave it a cheeky kiss “...” that's from my dad because he loves you!”  
They all laughed as his mum shooed him away, rolling her eyes.  
Alex turned smiling at the lovely family as they went back up the aisle...they were three rows back and she saw Oliver give his dad a high five as he climbed back into his seat. Her heart melted at the sight of them.

The last time she saw Oliver...Alex had woke in a smoke-filled cabin with grinding metal and banging noises, sounds of people moaning. She looked to her side and the older gentleman next to her was keeled over in his seat, eyes wide open unblinking, his head blood soaked his clothes black, unbreathing..just still. `A film set...it’s not real...makeup..prosthetics...not real` she thought over and over.   
she undid her belt shakily and went to stand...pain shot through her side like a burning hot jagged knife, falling back down as she yelped, putting a hand to her side...turning over her shaking palm, it was covered in blood. She swallowed and coughed looking around with panic...she had to get out of there...it was getting harder to breathe. She forced herself up and stumbled out to the aisle, looking forward seemed crushed like fifteen rows of seats or the people in them never existed at all. She turned and clambered forward a few other people doing the same, the isle stopped short though...where was the rest of the plane...was she outside already? On her right were two chairs absently hanging over the edge high above the ground, it was where the plane had broken in two… the people in the seats were black with dirt or burned with dark ash and blood, it was hard to tell. The third seat still upright held a child drooped lifelessly over the arm rest...his dark hair covering his face and his clothes sooty and his small fingers were red and stained.   
Alex forgot about the wound at her side and immediately began to reach for the child, she undid his belt and picked him up with every bit of strength she had left in her body… she stumbled backward and collapsed onto the floor with young Oliver in her arms. Brushing his hair out of his eyes, she gazed down at his small lifeless body that had just hours ago been so joyous and cheeky and so full of life. Her heart broke as tears dripped down onto his dirty scratched face, she hugged him tightly…” I’m so sorry Oliver...it should have been me...it should have been me”. 

Matt Watched on as Alex stirred in her sleep, she began to gasp and tears sprang from her sleeping eyes...he couldn't bare to watch her struggle any longer he crouched down next to her head shaking her shoulder gently. “Alex...Alex wake up love”…She sobbed louder with still shut eyes...Matts hand came to her face wiping her tears with his thumb…” wake up Alex”.   
She woke with a start, eyes searching for focus...she found Matt and reached a hand for his face to ground herself. She touched his cheek with gentle shaking fingers as she stared into his loving soothing eyes, her hand reached around him and she pulled him in tight to hug holding him close, as she cried. His heart broke. Matt instantly pulled away and got up off his knees, pulling her up and sitting on the sofa dragging her back on his lap, she curled into his chest gripping his shirt as he held her protectively in an embrace of utter safety. “I've got you Kingston, i’m here..i will always be here for you, your safe”.   
Gradually her anguish eased a bit until she could relax into even breaths again.  
“It should have been me”. Matt looked down confused struggling to understand her meaning.  
”What do you mean, it should have been you?”. She was calm and collected as she whispered: “it should have been me that died...why wasn't it me?”. Matt struggled to comprehend what she was saying …” what, no Alex, why would you say that...no sweetheart, it shouldn't have been you...don’t say that”.   
“A lot of people died Matt, a lot of better people...worthy people, families…..children, beautiful children….Oliver...i don’t understand why I’m still here”.   
Tears escaped Matt’s eyes listening to her soft tormenting words…” things happen Alex, people die every day..young and old...nobody has control over such things. That's life...we can’t dwell on the terrible things that happen Alex, but we can honor those people by doing our best with the life we have been given...and don't forget you have people who love you and who would miss you incredibly, don't ever think your not worthy...your parents love you and Your sister and what about Sal, she needs her mum….and what about me i need my Kingston! Everyone loves you Alex...please ”. 

He thought for a moment longer “You...you.. said Oliver...who’s Oliver?”. She closed her eyes a moment remembering the little Gangly Matt Smith cheekily kissing her hand for his dad”. “A boy...a boy on the plane...he didn't make it....i told him i... that i would tell the Doctor all about him...i think i need to tell ...can i...can i tell you about him Matt?”. Matt brushed a few tears away from his eyes and hugged her even tighter, “Yes Kingston, please tell me about the cool little Whovian”. So she told him everything from the start and they both smiled and giggled at the beginning and cried heartbroken tears at the end.   
Matt kissed her head fully understanding the pain she held within ...emotionally drained she drifted to sleep in his lap.  
He understood now. Alex didn't survive the crash. The plane broke to bits and she broke right along with it and it was going to take time to put all the pieces back together...but the pieces were there. He saw her as she entered the flat earlier...that naughty smirk playing on her lips, a faint hint of a spark in her eyes...She was there and he would make sure she found herself again one way or another!   
Matt carried her to bed and climbed in next to her, holding her safely and lovingly in his arms giving her a light kiss on her cheek until sleep inevitably took him too!


	5. He Chases my Demons Away

The morning light shone through the curtains slowly waking Alex from her sleep. She felt a warmth behind her back and a weight over her waist…`is that an arm?  
Wait...Oh god, I’m in Matt's Room...in Matt’s bed...with Matt. Am i naked? Oh phew, i still have my clothes on`. She looked down to the arm draped over her, after her initial sudden panic with the situation she had just found herself in, but she relaxed back in to calm just as suddenly to her surprise. Thinking she actually felt quite comfortable in fact, safe even...secure!  
She touched his arm lightly with her fingers and he jumped a bit like he was awake already, so she rolled carefully over to face him and their eyes met for the first time that morning.  
Matt’s eyes grew a bit wider as she faced him, he had dreamed of waking up with this beautiful woman for so bloody long and her eyes...bloody hell her morning eyes were even more enticing than he imagined. He swallowed nervously, suddenly thinking he did the wrong thing lying next to her. Would she think he was taking advantage...he only wanted to protect her, scared she would have another dream and wake up alone!   
He prepared himself for a telling off!

She smiled softly, speaking with a quiet gravely morning voice he’d never heard before until now, “Hello Sweetie!”. Relief flooded over him like a comforting blanket and he smiled back “Hi”.   
They stared a while contentedly, sweetly lost in the moment. Matts' arm had never actually left her when she rolled over and was now resting on her hip, he swallowed nervously just realizing he was actually touching her warm skin where her top had moved up. “I...erm.. hope you don’t mind, i just wanted you to be comfortable and i didn't want you to be alone...ya know...just in case!”.   
She smirked. ` Shit, shit shit shit... who can handle that smirk this early on a morning, what the hell was i thinking!`   
“It's fine Darling honestly, thank you! That's probably the most I’ve slept in a long time to be honest”. Alex must have still been coming around because it was only then that she realized Matt was shirtless...he looked so flipping sexy, toned and his bed hair flopping in his eyes was utterly endearing…`get a grip Alex...remember he’s just your friend...he can’t be anything else, he's too young and too good for you!`.   
She sat up, staring at the door a moment sighing as reality kicked in…` another day out in the world again. Must get through this`.   
Matt noticed her sudden change in features and he sat up too gently touching her arm to gain back her attention…” hey, how you feeling Kingston?”. She looked back biting her lip…”i feel scared Matt...Scared of facing the days”.  
Even though what she said was heartbreaking to him, he was also so glad she was communicating this to him...he felt so honored by the trust she had placed upon him and also kinda proud of her brave confession. 

He nodded understandingly “Well...we will get through the days together then...how does that sound?”. “It sound good Matt...i best go back to get a shower and changed or i will be in trouble for being late to work again.” She gave a week smile.  
He didn't want her to go he thought...he felt an indescribable need to be near her all the time, to protect her, but knew she wasn't his in the end and she needed her space. ”don't you want a cuppa before you go Love?”. She shook her head “no Thanks, I’ve kept you more than long enough Matt. Thank you so much for last night and being so understanding...i will see you at work yeah!”.   
And just like that her walls had risen again, he could almost see the barriers around her sole erecting before his very eyes.   
He sighed “Ok Kingston have a nice shower without me and i will see you at work...don’t be late, or Moffet will stand you in the naughty corner!”.   
“It's the hair Matt...takes frigging ages to sort out and it still looks the sodding same!” He giggled “its bloody awesome Kingston, i love it!” she smirked “Well...see you soon Darling” and left him alone to stew in his thoughts.

Work went well as Alex seemed to relax better when she had a focus and could flip into River Song’s character in an instant with precise ease. It was when the work was over and she had to go back to being Alex that was the hardest part and the recurring reality would kick her in the guts again and again unrelentingly!  
Matt did his best of course and so did Karen and Arthur, always joking trying to keep her entertained making her laugh, they had dinner together some nights. Went to Karen's flat for a games night which was crazy ass fun to say the least...especially when they all put makeup on Arthur when he had nodded off...only to take selfies with him, it was great having the gang back together.  
Night times were worst for Alex when she went back to her flat….as alone with one's thoughts can be a dangerous thing!   
On the nights she would dream, it always ended the same gasping for breath as tears would consume her...She would think of calling Matt, he actually told her to do so...but she never did.   
Sometimes she would even put on her coat and shoes in a hurry to seek the comfort of his safe embrace...but she would talk herself back down, again and again, …feeling herself a burden, a chore for him perhaps. `what a waste of space i am, why did i even survive, I’m causing nothing but problems for people...I’m not Matts problem he’s young and doesn't want to be stuck looking after an old messed up woman...god will i never feel anything again...how do i even get back to LA...i’m stuck, I'm broken...what's the point`.   
Some of these thoughts of self-doubt's were disturbingly familiar, like the time when her first Marriage had ended... `fucking Fiennes.` She had felt so worthless so used. She had sat in the bath with a blade in her hand ...and nothing but cold in her heart. It was pure courage that got her through those times...her young self was brave and saw light through the darkness, a glimmer of a future. But now she felt old and withered and weak, like leaves falling off trees she was now bare...empty and dead. There was nothing beyond, her vision had halted and her future felt empty and lonely!   
She was actually starting to scare herself with these torturous feelings and knew only one person could help her feel better, even if it did feel so selfish in doing so. She needed to be near Matt.   
He seemed to be the only one who could chase the demons away from her... make her feel safe and secure. She looked over at the clock it was 12:08, she huffed and threw off the covers angry with herself for having to do this...even though he did tell her “any time, day or night i’m here for you”...he was just trying to be nice she thought. She was worried about what his reaction would be when she actually did show up. She had to do it though... the night was not going well at all, her mind was being so utterly torturous tonight and it was making her seriously ill!  
She knocked on his door in her pajamas and coat...she had brought a bag with a few clothes for the morning, hopeful she wouldn't be turned away at this godforsaken hour. As she knocked again and waited, she felt so bad about having to do this... `poor Matt having to put up with me`.   
The light suddenly came on and she heard a clattering of things and him yelp “argh fuck Shit mi toe”!   
The door eventually swung open and he was stood precariously on one leg with his other up rubbing his foot, with nothing but his boxers on! `shit he’s nearly naked, go home Alex ...go home now`. His pained face from his mishap was entirely forgotten when he saw who was standing at his door in her pajamas with a regretful look on her face. “Kingston, what are you….are you alright...come in” . He ushered her inside without hesitation and shut the door. She turned…” I’m so sorry Matt..i was scaring myself and couldn't sleep...my head is all over the place... i just needed to be with someone. I’m so sorry for waking you i feel terrible about it”.   
He placed a hand on her shoulder “ Alex it's fine love, i meant what i said, i'm always here for you, i would have been angry if you didn't come here”. She bit her lip a bit nervously...he loved it when she did that. “Thanks, Matt, really Thank you!….erm did you just hurt yourself i thought i heard you fall or something” . “Oh yeah just stubbed mi toe on the chuffing storage box, but it's fine...i’m a man...have you seen these muscles” he flexed his gangly but toned arms trying to put her at ease and she couldn't help but giggle at how endearingly funny he looked! “ Hey don't laugh Kingston...you wound me”. Smirking “sorry sweetie hope your foots ok honestly”. “Yeah, I’m fine really love”.   
He made them both a cup of tea and they sat on the sofa a bit chatting …he could see her eyes failing a bit looking tired but ever so cute in her stripy pajamas and bed hair..` keep it together Matt shes here for your help, not for you to swoon all over her`.   
”So erm shall we try and see if you can get some sleep love...want me to set up the sofa bed in the spare room?”   
Her eyes widened at the thought of suddenly being confined and alone again with her thoughts and her breathing hitched in panic …”is it ok...i mean you don't have to...but is it ok if i stay with you tonight….just for tonight...you don't have to though?” looking a bit flustered and feeling a bit desperate at what she had just asked, she was scared of how he would take it!!   
He smiled cheekily though “does it really have to be just one-night thow….i mean honestly Kingston i haven't had a wink of sleep since i had you over as my snuggle buddy last time….missed you desperately i have!” Relief flooded her with how much he put her at ease and how understanding he was being.  
“Thank you Matt...really...you don't understand how much that means to me” ….” My pleasure Kingston now come on” holding out his hand “i need my beauty sleep!   
` How can he be this bloody perfect...seriously...he’s always everything i ever need...god i love him so much...oh wait...i love him...no..no...Alex not allowed...stop that right now`.   
They both climbed into bed, she felt a bit nervous about it as she did so ...Matt did too if he were honest...he was in bed yet again with the woman of his dreams, but he wouldn't let his own feelings take over...she came here because she trusted him and needed his help...and he would be whatever she needed always!   
They lied nervously on their backs for a brief moment till Matt broke the silence and underlying tension, “well this is a bit awkward isn't it?”   
“She giggled “i’m so sorry, perhaps its best if i roll over” she turned “Oh great show me your arse...that's even better now...thanks Kingston”.   
She laughed hysterically rolling back over slapping him playfully…” you're so bad...go on you roll over and i will snuggle you ok”. He sighed like it was the biggest chore he had ever been given “ohh fine...if i must...i may start charging for entry to my bed you know that right”. Smirking “there are so many innuendos in my brain right now” …” shut it Kingston”. They both sniggered ...probably both thinking of the same things.   
He rolled over as she came up behind him wrapping her arm over his body tightly, as they settled into a more relaxed atmosphere... “how ya feeling anyway love”. “He felt her breath on his shoulder and hoped she didn't feel him shiver. “Better now thank you Matt, so much better”. He gave a yawn feeling the tiredness consuming him again and feeling so content having her here too “that's good sweetheart...see you in the morning for breakfast. He felt her smile into his back and thought he felt a press of her lips...no he must have imagined that. “Goodnight Darling”... “Goodnight Kingston”. `he really can chase my demons away`!

To Matt’s utter disappointment he woke up to a lonely bed… as he glanced around looking for anything girlie, in the hopes she hadn't left the flat itself without saying goodbye. He quickly noticed a scribbled note at the side of his bed by a plate with a sausage sandwich and a cup of coffee.   
`Hope this is still warm when you wake sleeping beauty, didn't want to wake you...just nipped into the shower Sweetie, won’t be long xx .`

Matt smiled to himself as he took a sip of his hot coffee...and sat up to consume his sandwich…` Mmm breakfast in bed this is nice ...then thoughts turned to Alex in the shower….naked and in his shower!...woah stop thinking Matt...stop that right now and be respectful`!   
He ate his sandwich trying his best to think of other things but failed miserably. He got out of bed after drinking the last of his delicious coffee and padded bare feet, still in his boxers into the living room, glancing at the bathroom door as he passed.   
He sat on the Sofa as he heard the shower turn off… then hurriedly picked up a book to pretend to be doing something other than eagerly waiting to see Kingston again.   
He heard the door open and heard her go in the direction of the bedroom...then he could hear her walking back towards him so he shoved his face into his book pretending to look as interested as possible...he was an actor after all!  
She waltzed in…”Morning Darling was your coffee still warm”. “Oh morning…..” looking up he gulped “Kingston”. The towel was wrapped tightly around her like a shoulderless dress and was devilishly high above her knees, her honey-toned skin still held droplets of water and her head was tilted to the side showing off her long, gloriously kissable neck, while she rubbed her curled hair vigorously with a smaller towel.   
Matt starred ...it was rude ...but he didn't care...she was mesmerizing...he had never seen her in such a domestic and homely fashion before. She seemed so content and comfortable in his presence, like she had lived with him forever. she didn't show a bit of embarrassment or unease with virtually no clothes on...but then again why would she, she was utterly breathtaking he thought.   
Clearing his throat “Um yes the coffee was perfect and so was the sandwich ...you didn't have to do that by the way.” She moved a bit closer as Matt's eyes grew unknowingly ..”Oh Matt it's the least i could do honestly...i actually wanted to make you a full English but your fridge was practically naked...really Darling do you just live off takeaways...i may have to tell your mother”. “You wouldn't!”. “Hmm..well, let me cook you dinner for you tonight then and i will stock your fridge with goodies as a thank you...i feel so guilty for waking you...and you've been so good to me”.   
He stood up to stand next to her...placing a hand gently on her still damp arm… “you don't owe me anything sweetheart...i want to be here for you...i want to be the one you feel you can come and talk to” he smirked, “ and cuddle in bed” . She blushed biting her lip...fuck he made Alex Kingston actually blush…his heart nearly exploded`.  
” ok um..thank you...but i still want to do what i said if that's ok ...it just makes me feel a bit better about it that's all”.   
“Well then love … i can't wait for dinner!”.  
He smiled adoringly, but then realized again how utterly sexy she was looking in that towel and to be honest reining in his desire yet again was becoming increasingly difficult. He released his hand on her arm “i’m er just going to jump in the shower myself while you get dressed, then off to work we go yeah?”   
They began walking in the direction of the bathroom and bedroom…just as he entered the bathroom Alex spoke: “Matt you do realize that you were reading your book upside down don't you?”. He flustered and a bit “oh erm ..yes ..more of a challenge that way! “ She giggled… “go get your shower you ridiculous sod”!

Morning filming went well and at break, while Alex had gone to her trailer to change her shoes, Matt was sat with Karen and Arthur sharing snacks. Karen took this opportunity to dig a bit into circumstances she thought she ought to know. “So erm, i noticed you and Alex arrived together this morning...anything you would like to tell us?”.   
Matt took a long time swigging his drink...clearly thinking of an answer. “ No nothing to tell you at all Kaz”. Arthur eyebrowed Karen then nudged his head over in Matts direction as if to get her to keep prodding. “ So how comes you came in the same car this morning,... did you pick her up or did she stay at yours or something?” He dropped his Kit Kat… “ Jesus Kaz...why does it matter...yes... she stayed at mine...and no nothing happened..she just needed some company that's all.! She and Arthur smiled at each other.   
Then Arthur decided to have a turn...this was fun. “How come she didn't come to me for a bit of company?”. Matt was getting a bit annoyed now… “Look just leave it ok...nothing happened...we just cuddled that's all”. Karen's eyes lit up “Oooo cuddling...we all know what that leads to!”. Matt looked at both his Mates exasperated, with teasing grins on their faces….”Listen guy’s she's just in a vulnerable place right now and you both know how much i care for Alex...even so i can't take advantage of her like that... I’m just helping her deal with some stuff that's all.” They nodded understandingly and Arthur actually felt a bit guilty for probing. “Yeah sorry for teasing mate we...get it... you're doing a great job taking care of Alex and she looks so much better lately too”. Karren nodded “yeah smithers I’m proud of ya you know...your doing great...for a guy i mean”. He chuckled “Well, Thank you”. 

Matt had been thinking about something all morning and when he saw Alex come back into the studio, he decided to go tell her his thoughts on the matter. She headed to the canteen to get a drink...so he followed behind...she looked over as she heard him approach.  
“Oh hey sweetie, I’m just making a tea would you like one?”. He leaned on the counter rubbing his hands together a bit nervously before he spoke: “ Nah I’m fine thanks...erm Kingston I’ve been thinking”. Her eyes widened a bit playfully “Ohh deer that can’t be good!” ...“Shut up”. She giggled then turned to give him her full attention as she took the first sip of tea. “Ok Darling what is it you would like to say?”. Matt took a bit of a pause gathering himself….  
“Well, it's just...you only have two weeks left of filming with us before you go to London and i just thought perhaps...if you're still struggling at nighttimes that is...you could always move in with me...ya know, until it's time to leave...Please don't get the wrong idea of what I’m asking... I’m not trying to seduce you or anything! It would be like flatmates i guess.”  
He took another breath through his nervous rambling, as Alex looked on with mouth slightly ajar, cup in hand almost tipped to spilling point.   
“I’m just so worried about you when you go home alone...I don't want you to be alone Kingston. I could set up the spare bedroom for you so you will have your own space and everything...but if you ever...ya know feel the need or get scared or whatever, i will only be a room away. It would help me too ya know... from worrying about how you are all the time…”  
He sighed ... “Does this sound really really bad... I’m not sure if i said it how i imagined saying it in my head”. He felt like perhaps to her it sounded like he just wanted to get in her pants….only he just wanted her to feel protected and safe...he was dreading the end of the two weeks when she had to leave again...he didn't even want to think about it truth be told!

There was a moment of silence as Alex shut her mouth. He patiently waited for her to laugh like it was a joke or perhaps just say “No i don't think that's a good idea Sweetie”, or “what the fuck”. She was brewing though gazing down and biting her lip a bit...she looked back up and he noticed her eyes were glazed with unshed tears, She put her cup carefully on the side then walked over putting her head on his chest and wrapping her delicate arms around his waist. “That would be wonderful Darling” .  
He sighed in relief as he wrapped his arms around her closing his eyes, feeling nothing but utter love and joy in her embrace...Matt knew he only had two weeks left until Alex had completed her season... how would he ever be able to let her go. He’s not sure he can!


	6. I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut in this chapter...had to happen sooner or later... but Alex is going to leave soon... not sure how they are both gonna cope with that yet...still trying to figure it out in my tiny brain! T

After work, Matt and Alex went to get a few things from Alex’s flat and started to transfer them over to Matt’s. Alex then went to the supermarket to get things for dinner and to stock his empty fridge like she insisted she would. He cleared out the spare room of all his junk and made up her bed the best he could. Matt felt almost giddy inside..knowing that Alex would be coming home here every night and he would wake up with her still here in the morning. It felt like all his dreams had come true...well almost. He kinda wishes she was moving in because she was his girlfriend and loved him...but that was a selfish thought and he tried to place it in a box as soon as it entered his mind!   
Alex walked through the door “hi honey I’m home” ! Matt came into the kitchen “hey that’s my line Kingston” they smirked. Matt looked at all her bags “Jesus love did you buy the whole supermarket”... he was poking around in the bags like a kid, eyes wide at all the goodies. “Well i like a well-stocked kitchen Matthew and it's like this flat has never been lived in before...the cupboards are bare...i don't understand how you could survive...no wonder you look like a bean pole”. He gasped “Oy Kingston that’s rather rude, i take utter offense at that!”, She laughed. After the shopping was put away Alex started on dinner, Matt had offered to help but she shooed him quickly out of the kitchen like a mother hen! His gaze drifted from where he sat in the room to the kitchen intently, watching her work magic! They sat down together to eat Alex’s homemade fish pie and fresh vegetables with crunchy bread and Olives...because she loved olives apparently. They smiled and chatted while sipping their wine… this was bliss Matt thought, he could really get used to this...he actually felt like a proper adult with an amazing wife by his side... it felt wonderful! “Wow Kingston, that was the best meal i think i have ever had...i can't believe you made that from scratch”. She giggled “why thank you Darling, but it was only a fish pie...honestly, it not that hard”. “Hmm well perhaps i do need a few lessons at basic home cooking” . “i think you really do sweetie..please tell me you can boil an egg”. “Oy yes of course i do...i just don't do it that often that's all” She laughed.

They sat down together to watch a movie and Alex fell asleep on Matts shoulder...when the film finished he spent a moment peacefully just watching her sleep and listening to her breath…he wished he could tell her how he felt...how much he loved her...but she was too delicate now...too fragile...one wrong move and she would shatter into a million pieces.   
He sighed stroking a curl behind her ear…”Alex...Alex wake up love...time for bed”. Her eyes fluttered open “oh is it over did i miss it?” he laughed “yeah but it wasn't very interesting seen as you slept through half of it”. She yawned as she got up,” sorry Sweetie i must have been tired” .”It's fine love, let's get you to bed yeah”. He gave her a hug and she kissed his cheek as they went to their bedrooms… “Night Alex” “Night Darling”.   
Before he knew it Matt opened his eyes wearily as the sun was rising again. `Ahh another new day` he thought. `Hmm wait a minute, hang on Something feels odd..what's tickling my chin?`…he glanced down into a mass of curls resting on his bare chest, with a light arm flopped over his torso. `When did this happen...am i dreaming, she must have climbed in through the night at some point` he thought. She made a contented sigh that sent a shiver of electric right through his body `shit I’m in trouble...he could feel boxers tightening...no no...please not now...this is not good...behave yourself` Talking to his penis was short-lived as Alex’s arm moved her fingers stroking his chest like she was a blind woman trying to understand what was she was feeling. Matt was trying hard not to focus on how much the feel of her delicate fingers caressing him were affecting other parts of his body. Her head lifted cautiously off his chest and she looked up into his eyes….jumping backwards like she had touched hot coal from the fire. “Fuck Matt I’m so sorry… i didn't mean to...to flop over you like that...i didn't know what i was ….erm i… “ He was just laughing at her adorable flustering”. “Alex love, it's fine...this is why we did this remember” His eyebrows raised very cheekily “I’m your snuggle buddy.” He gave a wink. She sighed in relief and smiled “ i just woke in the night and didn't want to wake you... so i just crept in your bedroom feeling like a bloody criminal”. He laughed “Well River Song is in Jail, let's hope you're not arrested for sneaking into your costars bed in the middle of the night” She wacked him…” urgh you...!

The week went great like they had always lived together..their routines at home would mold together like an old married couple. Alex would try and cook most evenings as she said it was therapeutic and she enjoyed it...much to Matts delight and he rather enjoyed eating like a king, although he did insist to be the one to make breakfast most mornings.   
They would share the bathroom for small things like brushing their teeth...or Alex would want to style Matts' hair, then get annoyed when he would unconsciously run his fingers through it running her efforts.   
Matt liked to read in the evening sometimes, so they chatted about different books they enjoyed and read parts to each other they thought the other one would find amusing.

Alex’s bedroom went out of the window as it were because, after the second night, Matt just held out his hand naturally and led her straight to his room.   
They would talk and giggle in bed for what seemed like hours.   
Things changed with Alex like a wall had been broken. He noticed at work when he would catch her eyes staring upon him, sometimes nibbling nervously on a fingernail as she did so...like she had some secret to tell, but was unsure if it was the right thing to do.   
He would look across and smile and she would startle like he had seen her thoughts and look away hastily almost embarrassed. `what was she thinking, did she desire him like he desired her...oh how he wished she did`.   
She started doing small gestures towards him and almost curse herself after. Like the time he had left a spot of shaving cream on his face and she walked up to him as he left the bathroom, reaching up grazing her thumb gently over his cheek and slowly it drifted over his lips as he stared down intensely into her eyes. She swallowed just realizing how intimate the gesture had seemed. “You err, you missed a bit” as she brought her hand down and he watched her walk to the bedroom shaking her head berating herself. 

Walking in late one of the evening’s when Matt had to do some extra filming with Arthur and Karen, he could hear music blaring out through the door from the kitchen. He opened it gently, to his utter amusement he saw Alex Kingston wiggling her arse rather sexily to “I Love Rock and Roll” while rustling up dinner...he leaned on the door frame trying to contain himself unable to interrupt her moment of letting her curls down as it were! Her dancing was mesmerizing, he felt bewitched or entranced eyeing her from her head to her toes and back to her exquisite arse that was swaying in beat … when the chorus of the song came she sang right along with it, as he laughed completely besotted behind her! 

“I love rock 'n' roll  
So put another dime in the jukebox, baby  
I love rock 'n' roll

Matt shot forward singing the last part of the chorus.

“So come and take some time and dance with me, ow”

She spun around in shock, as he swiftly took her in his arms, her face of utter embarrassment didn't last long as he leads her dancing around the kitchen, singing out loud for all to here… She laughed into him at his utter craziness. 

 

“He said, "can I take you home where we can be alone?"  
And next we were movin' on and he was with me, yeah with me  
And we were movin' on and singing that same old song, yeah with me, singing”  
They sang the chorus together like they were both in some Broadway musical  
“I love rock 'n' roll  
So put another dime in the jukebox, baby  
I love rock 'n' roll  
So come and take some time and dance with me”  
He spun her around and kissed her hand graciously bowing. Both out of breath a bit, she folded her lips, “your quite a good dancer sweetie” . “You are too Kingston i loved your wiggling bum”. “Hmm well I’m a very talented wiggler i’ll have you know” she winked “ He smirked, “I don't doubt it in the slightest!”  
Later that evening Matt was brushing his teeth in the bathroom ready for bed, the door was open and Alex walked in, she was ready for bed too wearing her pajama bottoms and a vest top. She was just hanging a few towels on the rails. Matt glanced at her through the mirror and she glanced back over smiling. He put his brush down and just watched her...she looked up again while she was folding the last towel. “What?”.   
He didn't turn still looking at her reflection and sighed…” we only have 4 days left and then you're going to London...it's just...i’m gonna miss you!” Her face grazed a sad smile as she walked over to him wrapping her arms around his bare torso, resting her head on his back. “I’ll miss you too Darling... I've been trying not to think about it too much...but my work here is done for now and i have to keep moving! I have a few projects in London and a production in the west end I’m interested in, i have to learn how to be independent again”.   
Matts' hand came down to wrap hers around his stomach…” but what if you need someone Alex… i know you need to get back on track with your independence...but I’m worried about you!”.  
He felt her breath out a heavy sigh, “I’ll be ok Matt, My sister is coming over for a few days to start and Sal has school holiday thank god...i have missed her terribly even though we speak most days...she is sure to keep me busy. And you...you need to get back on track too sweetie. You have spent so long taking care of me when you should be out with friends, doing fun things, sowing your wild oats or whatever “!   
He scoffed … “that was never my scene anyway Kingston, I’m not like that...it's not what brings me joy in life.” She hummed “Well then what does Darling?” He put it rather simply looking at their arms entwined around him in the mirror “you do!”.  
He felt her grip tighten around him, could sense the fight within had rapidly weekend...as his feelings wanted to be heard, the power of his beating heart plowing through like a steam train...he needed more, or at least he needed her to know he needed more before she left!  
He wanted her to be his and him to be hers for always. He wanted to come home, to their own home someday, to share interesting stories of work and books and things of nonsense. To growl at her occasionally for using his razor to shave her legs. To find her dancing in the kitchen while she made scones. To cuddle Salome like she's his own and help send her off to uni beaming with pride. He wanted everything the whole package and she needed to know, he had to tell her and it was now or never!   
Matt turned in her embrace staring down into her eyes deeply as she looked up into his. His hand came up to caress her cheek. “ Alex, sweetheart, i need you to know something!”.   
She stepped back away from his touch, bracing herself with an invisible shield automatically prepared for any kind of confrontation. “Matt?”. He leaned back against the sink giving her space...but he still needed to her to hear it now, even if he was being selfish about it.  
The silent moment of eyes on eyes was broken by Matt’s carefully soft and steady voice “I love you Alex”. She looked almost startled by his blunt confession...and a small nervous laugh escaped her...then she looked serious again in a split second.  
“Matt...you couldn't possibly…” He interrupted “I love you Alex, i can’t help how i feel and please know, that, i don't expect anything from you...i always want to be your friend and i always will be...but, i just needed you to know...that ...i ...well i feel more than a friend about you!”. She looked down a moment, eyes flitting side to side desperately searching for the words or actions or perhaps escape...Unsure she looked up and stepped to him placing a hand gently on his chest...swallowing. ”Matt..i think your confused ...we have been living practically on top of one another for a while now...this is my fault...i shouldn't have forced myself into your life like i have...you feel responsible for me and now your worried because i’m leaving...its…um.. and anyway I’m too old for you Darling...i don’t “ …  
He shakes his head, “no Alex...you don’t understand...this isn't some recent infatuation, i have felt this way since...well since the first time i met you on our first day together actually.” He smiled as his mind drifted back to the precious memory filling his head. “You were so flipping gorgeous,i was utterly beside myself with worry how to act around such a high profile talented sexy woman, when i was practically nobody. I flustered and spilled coffee all over your beautiful top, completely ruining it remember that? I was completely beside myself with mortification and embarrassment…and do you know what you did?... I remember like it was yesterday,... you giggled at me and rubbed my arm as you leaned in saying “its ok Darling, i will get you another coffee”, then you kissed my cheek and left looking behind once more as my eyes followed you and you bloody winked at me...while actually going to go get me a coffee, before you went to get another top. Jesus Alex, i fell so head over heels i couldn't see straight for days...weeks...ever since then... you've been like a drug to me. And Utah ….that night...god Alex that night is ingrained so deep into my heart it's hard for me to breath sometimes...that kiss...please tell me you felt something in that kiss because…. “  
He never got to finish his sentence because she claimed his lips in a moment of sudden urgency. His initial shock was instantly replaced by need as he pressed firmly back against her mouth with sheer lust and desperation...She stumbled back into the wall behind as his body surged forward, his arm resting tightly on her hip as his other hand came up to caress her hair. Alex had brought both her hands around his neck as...the feel of his weight pressing against her body sent ripples of indescribable desire and lust let loose within her! Their tongues met as they tasted one another, which sent even more shockwaves between them.  
Matts' hand came down as he desperately needed to feel her skin against his..he released her lips regretfully...wanting them back on his as soon as possible, reaching the hem of her vest,as he pulled it swiftly up, she raised her arms willingly as he pulled it over her head throwing it away like it had no right in being there! She was breathless and wonderfully flush. His gaze hovered entranced over her bare breasts for a moment, “your so bloody beautiful Kingston”. Then he pressed his bare chest against hers as their lips crashed against each other yet again. Her hands came down to stroke his back feeling the tone of his flesh under her fingertips, they came down to rest on his bum and his body responded pushing his now hard member against her. She gasped at the feel of his body’s response to her, as heat pooled below. She wanted more, needed more...she broke the kiss gasping for air as he kissed her cheek then down her neck sending her crazy and dizzy in desire as he fondled her breasts...”Matt” she gasped out. In Between kisses, he spoke, “yes Alex”. “Can we ...oh god can we go the bedroom ”. Without answering he grabbed under her arse picking her up with a yelp, as she instantly wrapped her legs around him...then he carried her out of the bathroom with small stumbles…` not bad to say he was a clumsy giraffe`. He kept kissing her like his lips never wanted to leave, until they miraculously reached the bed where he lowered her gently. Pausing there above her to stare into her dark lust filled eyes, still out of breath “Wow you didn't fall Darling”, he smirked “i did...but only for you Kingston”...she giggled at his cheesiness. She put a hand on his chest and pushed him over, throwing her legs across to straddle him possessively. He let her have her way. She ran her fingers through his hair that had flopped over his face and brushed it back gently before ghosting his lips with the smallest of kisses...she moved slowly...with delicate kisses down his neck as he swallowed at the powerful intoxifying feeling she was projecting across his body...she kissed and licked clusters over his chest and down his torso, he shivered when her body moved further down and her kisses were near his belly button. He was struggling to contain himself, then her breast grazed his sensitive cock and he gasped at the sensation, arm flying out to her shoulder... “Alex..shit,...this is too much”. “She looked up smirking taking hold of his shorts and lowering them slowly down as he sprung out freely. She discarded them on the floor and crawled along him kissing his legs…”Alex...love...you don’t have to” words became difficult, he felt like he was going to explode when she reached his thighs… “But what i i want to” smirking through kisses...her hands cupped his balls and he thrust at the sensation…her small fingers worked their way gently wrapping around his cock, thumb brushing over the seeping liquid at the tip. `fucking christ this is too much` he thought. Her mouth lowered down, tongue darting out to taste his tip, she hummed in approvement as she took him fully into her mouth. `oh holy mother of god her mouth is amazing`. He was trying his best not to thrust up into her...she was in charge now and he was her’s. Matts fingers delved into her magical hair as she sucked him rhythmically, tongue swirling cleverly over his tip... it all became too much as he felt the pressure building within… “Alex love...i can’t hold on…Al…x” He came undone within her mouth and she slowed her movements down, then pulled off gradually swallowing his release, as he came to his senses!   
She climbed back up to lie next to him smiling as she placed a hand on his chest. “Yowzaa” He breathed out, “Your bloody unbelievable Kingston”. She smirked as he turned on his side to run his hand gently from the top of her arm down the curve of her waist to the hem of her pajama bottoms… “Well I’m naked now...and your only half naked...that hardly seems fair now does it?” “why Mr Smith,i haven't a clue what you're insinuating”.  
He laughed, then his face stilled as he stared at her adoringly ...` she had a twinkle in her eye...that twinkle that he had been longing to see again ...waiting so long for, wondering if it would ever return...and there it was....he couldn't believe it. His lips crashed onto hers and he kissed her thoroughly and passionately. She responded with equal passion as flame erupted within. He eventually pulled away and worked kisses down her neck, sucking and nibbling, hands fondling her full breasts. Then his mouth came to cover her hardened nipple teasingly grazing it with his teeth as he hummed in delight...her body arched up at the sensation, he swapped to give both breasts equal attention. Her hands caressed his back, then his shoulders then his hair as he lowered, she was unwilling to let him leave her grasp.  
He traced his tongue around her navel and she squirmed as the feeling intensified...he looked up at her lovingly then back down, eyes suddenly falling at the still dark pink scar on the left side of her body. He stilled...this was the first time he had seen her lacerated side...he swallowed...she felt him freeze and looked down to see him staring at her side...she quickly placed her hand over the scar self consciously...his trance was suddenly broken by her swift action and he looked up to see utter shock and confusion on her face. He felt so guilty and utterly disgusted with himself for getting lost in the moment of past events and bringing her down with him. He sighed gently moving her hand away from covering her side…” I’m so sorry Alex...i just remembered how i felt when i nearly lost you...and now your here and your safe in my arms...and this...he kissed her scar with gentle feathered kisses...is proof of how strong you are...your a fighter and you amaze me every day...you're so beautiful Alex inside and out and i love you so much!”   
She relaxed back, a tear slipping down her cheek… as her hand came up to caress his cheek “And i love you too Darling, I’m so lucky to have you!”. He came up to her face looking her in the eyes, brushing her tear away, “I am yours my sweetheart, forever and always”. And they kissed each other gently soothingly then he broke away. “Oh, Miss Kingston I’m pretty sure i was just about to take off your annoyingly interfering pajama bottoms. She giggled “Your such a naughty boy!”. He crept down to the end of the bed grabbing the hem of her bottoms “Only for you Kingston” as he pulled them down over her feet throwing them on the floor. He stared at her now fully unclothed luscious and curvy, she could see his eyes almost black with desire. “ Your so fucking gorgeous Alex”. He placed a knee between her legs and she opened her thighs invitingly, he smirked then placed kisses up on her legs to her thighs, settling himself down between her. She gasped as she felt his hot breath over her sex...and started squirming as she was losing patience and control. “Matt” she whispered breathlessly, a hand reaching to grasp something...anything...he brought his hand up for her to hold and she held on tight, as his other hand came between her his fingers stroking her wet folds. She moaned at the surge of energy cursing within her…” your perfect” he spoke as his finger entered her, taking her breath away as her hips jolted at the sensation...he thrust it in a few times then added another finger. He just couldn't resist not tasting her any longer , his tongue came out and he started to lick her folds, he hummed in delight ...this made her even crazier. She arched again and writhed under him...he found her nub and his tongue got to work...fingers curling to find that sweet spot. She could not contain the noises coming out of her mouth and occasional curse words that sent blood to Matts groin. She fluttered around him as her climax was reached...he worked his movements until he was sure she was spent, then slowly released his fingers crawling back up to her as she was breathlessly still coming to her senses!  
“Was that ok sweetheart” he whispered in her ear...she looked into his eyes adoringly and speaking breathlessly…”i think i’ll keep you Mr Smith”. Then she claimed his lips, tasting herself and wanting more of him...all of him…”Darling i, need you...now ...please”.  
He didn't need asking twice...he rolled on top of her, lining himself up and gazed into her dark emerald eyes...he brushed a curl away from her face, “god i love you so fucking much”. Her hand stroked his back as he placed a delicate kiss on her lips, then pulled back to look into her eyes again as he entered her slowly...she gasped in utter bliss and they both moaned as they were finally joined together body and soul. Both breathless, he gave her body time to adjust to him before he started to move in a slow rhythm.  
He didn't want a fast quick shag, He wanted to make love to her, letting her to feel how much she meant to him, he fought to control himself, allowing her to feel every ounce of him and his desire for her. Her legs wrapped around him tightly and possessively holding him close, allowing him to thrust deeper. They kissed and her nail’s marked his back...his movements gradually increased. He pulled back to get deeper access as his fingers came down to her already sensitive clit, “let go for me Alex...i’ll catch you sweetheart”. The build up of pressure and his ragged voice was all to much so she instantly came undone clenching around him, his name on her lips. Matt’s hips stutters as he follows her over the edge, murmuring Alex...as he collapses on top of her. He slowly gains focus feeling gentle fingers running through his hair. He lifts his head to see his Kingston with eyes filled with nothing but love staring back at him…”I may have told you this already...but in case you’ve forgotten...I bloody love you! She smirked, “I think i may be in serious trouble Darling, because I’ve fallen in love with you too.”. He rolled off her but hastily pulled her back into him as her head rested on his chest...she listened to his wild heart starting to settle. They had a few moments of sated silence...before Alex spoke “Matt”,...”Yes love” answering sleepily. “Where do we go from here?” … “ We will figure it out sweetheart...i promise...we will be ok!”. They both drifted off to sleep contentedly wrapped around each other. Next stop Everywhere!


	7. Hello Daisy

Matt’s eyes fluttered open sleepily, only to see a set of big green eyes staring back at him...the events of last night flooding back into his mind. He brought a hand up to touch her cheek to make sure she was real and this wasn't a dream. He smiled and she smiled back returning the gesture...but he noticed she faltered a bit, her eyes then left his looking downwards and he saw a glimpse of worry upon her face.   
“Hey, what's wrong love”. She looked back up “I’m not sure what i should do”.   
Matt’s heart sank in a moment of panic...thinking she regretted everything that had happened with him. He cleared his throat ..” What...um what do you mean...what you should do?” She brought a hand up to brush his hair away from his face lovingly “Darling...last night was...well it was everything! I never thought I would allow myself to feel this way about anyone again...and i meant everything i said you know...i do love you...more than you will ever know.   
Matts breathing settled and relaxed into her spoken words “So sweetheart what are you worried about?”   
“Matt, I'm leaving in a few days...i won't be back on Who till next season...Our lives are split...My home is in LA where my Daughter lives...god knows how, but i have to get back there somehow. Also what are people going to say about us Matt...i’m nearly 20 years your senior...fuck it sounds ridiculous when i say it out loud…” 

Matt could see her getting worked up as negative thoughts invaded her mind...His arm came around her shoulders and he pulled her into his embrace. “Kingston calm down love..it's going to be ok. Yes, i understand we are going to be apart for a torturous while...but it won't be forever...remember that love!! This is just how things are at this moment in time and we can get through it….i’m only a call away...I love you and whatever gets thrown at us we can and will face it together, trust me Kingston”.  
He rubbed her shoulders soothingly “Look we don't have to tell anyone about us yet if that makes you feel any better...we can wait...i’m fine with that,I just want you to be happy sweetheart...that's all!”  
She pulled him tighter taking a deep breath, “your right...i know you're right Darling...and i think i would feel better if we kept this to ourselves for now if that’s ok?”   
He placed a kiss on her head “I'm fine with that Alex...i hold the best secret i could possibly have...and it's you... I honestly still can’t believe that your mine...hmm does that sound a bit possessive of me...i’ll be peeing on the corners of the `Who` set later, keeping the other males away from my woman”. She laughed “ “Please don't piss on the electrics Darling...Steven would not be pleased”.   
They giggled and Alex got up feeling a bit better about things, “right then shower,” heading to the door as Matt ogled her bare curvy frame. She stopped to look over her shoulder seductively “care to join me Mr Smith”. If lightning is fast, well Matt Smith is faster... like a lightning bolt before her, he grabbed her hand dragging her into the bathroom, both giggling like naughty school children.

The first day went well keeping their secret under checks and trying to act as normal as possible around their work colleagues..they did, however, sneak each other the occasional lingering glances, smirking and winking when they were apart at times. They went in separate directions at lunch making excuses to Karen and Arthur, only to accidentally bump into one another inside Alex’s trailer.   
The next day was torturous though. It was their wedding day... Well, River and the Doctor’s wedding day! It was an intense scene, but the kiss... oh shit the kiss was bloody hard to control and keep toned down to an acceptable family proof rating.   
All Matt wanted to do was take her thoroughly against that fucking Timey Wimey Distress beacon,...needless to say when they both got home that evening they barely made it out of the kitchen fully clothed!

Then the day finally came, the day that they were both dreading immensely. She had packed her bags and already said her goodbye’s to the crew. They had a final dinner with Karen and Arthur last night,saying their goodbyes and reminding each other to call with gossip and tales of the Tardis.   
Matt and Alex were sat on the sofa, his arm around her and her head on his chest as the horn beeps when Alex's car pulled up.   
They looked at each other sadly and she went to the door as the driver got out of the car “Won't be a minute”.  
He Waved in acknowledgment. She closed the door a moment as Matt was stood behind her in the kitchen...looking at the floor a bit, twiddling his toes. She rubbed her forehead, “Well...this is it I guess”. He nodded but placed a hand on her face, looking into her heartbroken eyes, “you phone me as soon as you get there won't you?”.   
“I promise I will”. ..” When is Nicola going to be there?”. “Um she said around 7, so i will be fine darling honestly...and i will get Salome back tomorrow, she will want to skype you too im sure”. He smiled at that...seeing his girls together…”you both better skype me as much as possible...i need to see my girls” .   
Alex’s heart melted when he said “my girls”. “BEEP” . “Shit i better go Darling, Matt’s hand grabbed the door, she halted him a moment… “what is that it”. She gave him the look...the penny dropped and he smirked knowingly, “What am I forgetting something.   
“Oh shut up” and she pulled him into a long and sensual kiss. It broke both their hearts as they had to pull away.  
He grabbed her cases and she opened the door and he carried them out to the driver. They hugged tightly but tried to keep things together as the driver was watching, but Alex couldn't stop the tears from escaping her eyes and Matt was struggling to remain strong for them both.   
“I will speak to you tonight Miss Kingston yeah...you call me anytime...for anything...even if you don't want to talk...call me and I will talk for you ok?” She laughed through tears “I will Sweetie, Bye Darling”. She climbed in and he waved as the car pulled away, taking his heart right along with it. The lump in his throat was set to burst and as he closed the door of his flat he sank down to the floor with his head in his hands and cried until he could cry no more! 

Skype call day 6 apart.

“MATTYYYYY” His face filled with joy, “Hi Sal, how's things my gorgeous poppet?” “Mum Matty’s on”, She shouted.   
“I’m fine thanks Matty, i’m going shopping soon with mum and Aunty Nicola later to get some new things for my bedroom because it's a bit babyish now...and pink...i don’t like pink anymore...what color do you like Matty?” He laughed at her over excitement“. I like blue of course...you don't think I would travel in a pink Tardis do you? Blue is by far the best colour in the whole world “.  
“Yeah i like blue too even though most people say it's just for boys...hmm maybe i will have my room blue like the Tardis then….” she was still Yapping when Matt saw Alex approaching from the back smiling.  
“Salome, i hope you're not giving poor Matt earache are you..” She sat down next to sal...Matt could not contain the smile that engulfed his face. “she could never give me earache Kingston, she has a beautiful voice I could listen to all day, just like her mother!”   
“Ewww Matty that sounds so disgustingly soppy”.   
Sal say bye to Matt because you have to go get changed for when Nicola comes back so we can go, or she’ll flip out! “Ok Byeeee Mattyyyy...i will send you a picture of my room when it's done”.  
“Bye sal, speak to you later yeah!” He waved and she skipped along around the corner.   
Alex waited till she went before turning back “Hi Darling, how have you been?”... “Missing you terribly Kingston...there's nobody to make me scones”. She giggled “I miss you too, hows Karen and Arthur? I hope you haven't been too grumpy for them!” .   
“They are fine...it's just not the same though is it...your part of our team and it just feels wrong when your not there...so yes i have been proper throwing on the grumpy face!”. “Oh sweetie, you only have another few weeks before the end of season and perhaps you could come over to London for a bit before the awards ceremony and before you get wrapped up in all the comic-cons and stuff”.   
“That sounds like a good plan...god i’m missing you so much...how have you been love...you know...have you been eating and sleeping ok?” 

“Yeah I'm doing well, i really am coping ok...better than I thought actually...Nicola is very impressed with me...and that's saying something...she's feeling confident enough to go back home tomorrow...which i’m glad about to be honest...she's a proper nagger”.   
They both laughed . “I um...i have also found a good flight Therapist to work with me about getting back to LA...i start my first session on Friday...can’t say i’m not nervous about that at all”. She looked down swallowing.. Matt just wanted to hold her, “Hey Alex look at me”, She looked up. “I’m proud of you yeah...you should be proud of yourself...you have taken a giant step love...and once you've done your first session it will get easier ok love.” “Thanks Sweetie...you always know what to say to make me feel better” He smiled, knowing he would give anything to make her feel better. 

Just then the door in the background opened and Nicola walked in “Alex are you rea...who you talking to?”. She moved closer, Matt waved, “Oh hi Matt...missing her already are you…hope i’m not interrupting your sexting...what do they call it when it's through skype?” Matt opened his mouth but nothing came out. Alex rolled her eyes “Nicola will you shut up and go see if Sals ready so we can go please!” She did a salute “Fine...see you around hot stuff”, she winked with the same naughty look that Alex sometimes gives...Matt waved still a bit gobsmacked.   
When she was gone he spoke quietly “does...does she know?”. Alex shook her head, “I haven't told her directly no, but we're sisters and very close and she knows that I'm keeping something from her...i guess she can just tell...but it's quite fun just leaving her hanging in the unknown to be honest!”... Matt scoffed “you bad bad girl winding your sister up. “   
“nahh she’s used to it...anyway Darling i will let you get back to...err what are you doing again?”   
He put on a pouty lip “Nothing...just sulking over you” . “Darling quit your whining and get out with Karen and Arthur...i mean it… I will call you later yeah, and i don't want to see your bloody pouty lip again...even if it is completely adorable...i never said that by the way”.  
“Fine see you later Kingston” he leaned over whispering “love you”. “You too Darling speak to you later” she blew a kiss. And he caught it, she laughed before signing off “soppy git!”

The weeks went by quite fast and Alex and Matt chatted as much as possible.  
Salome had to go back to America for school and Matt was feeling terribly concerned about Alex being alone in London. She insisted she was fine and was busy doing a short stint with the Theatre production she wanted... her flying Therapy was doing ok...well as ok as she expected...it would take a while to make any sort of dent!   
She only had trouble about once a week at night times when she would call Matt and he would talk her down back into some form of comfort...it was so difficult for him not to be able to hold her especially in those times of panic...but they got through it together!   
End of season finally came and Matt breathed a sigh of relief that he was now free to go down to London and see his woman for the first time in just over a month!

Karen came over just as he was finishing putting things in his car to leave the Cardiff Flat… “So I hear you're going straight down to London...anything you're doing in particular because it's a whole week until the TV Awards” . Matt knew she was digging for info and probably, in all honesty, had a good idea where he was going.   
He just kept it simple “Yeah I promised to go visit Kingston after filming and i wanted to see her play too!”. Her eyebrows raised “Oooo a secret meeting is it...are you staying in a hotel orr?” To be honest, he hadn't thought about that...this was London...not Cardiff and if he were to stay with Alex their relationship would be open for all to see...he better book a hotel now he thought about it!   
“No i’m not staying with Alex moon face, i’m actually booked into a hotel...we are friend's that's all...so stop trying to make something out of nothing ok!” She scowled in suspicion “OK...Fine, Fine, I will see you at the Awards with Arthur then yeah?” “Yes, I'm looking forward to a bit of a posh do...and a dance...gonna be fun”. “See ya soon then idiot 2... have funnnn with Alex “ she made a suggestive face and Matt just stuck his tongue out in a rubbish defense!

 

Alex was nervous, excited but nervous, Matt was on his way and she suddenly felt like one would on a first date.  
She changed about 6 times...nothing was right... her stomach did flip flops and she glanced at her phone about 15 times to make sure she hadn't missed any messages. Then finally there was a knock at the door, she took a deep breath to calm herself and walked swiftly to open it. There was her Guy `my guy...my sexy hot, sweet, loving guy`. He smiled containing himself while he was still standing slightly shaking on the doorstep of Alex Kingston's London Home. He couldn't even believe it himself. ’Finally shes there...fucking sexy as...resist Matt...dont touch till, your inside`. He was mesmerized momentarily taking her all in.

“Hello Darling” her eyes were glazed with emotion. “Hello, Kingston”... “Well won't you come in Mr Smith”, She moved to let him pass, “Hmm don't mind if i do your Royal Sexiness”. He walked past while she closed the door behind them… `finally` He turned to look at her properly and she smiled while reaching to touch his face...that's what he needed now not words, he's had over a month of nothing but her sexy voice which was wonderful but it wasn't all of her and holy hell he needed all of her. He had missed the physical contact of his beautiful goddess, he took hold of her swiftly pressing his lips desperately against hers and pushing her back against the door.   
Alex felt just as desperate as her hands ran over his body, up to tug on his hair and back down her hands slipping under his shirt to feel the warmth of his skin...god she had missed this...the feel of his body pressed against hers, the safety she felt within his arms and the love she felt upon his lips. She broke for air as he ravished her neck with kisses. Both breathlessly gasping out words “i’ve missed you”...”i love you” ….”i need you...i need you fucking now”.   
They made it to her bedroom practically naked after stripping off stumbling along the way in between frantic kisses. He scooped her up in the doorway… then looked at her in a lacy blue bra and knickers, as he spun her around, she giggled, “My Kingston...you don't know how much I have missed you...i could just eat you up”... “Mmm please do Darling i’m hoping you have room for a starter main and dessert, i have been waiting far too long”.   
He carried her over to the bed placing her gently down as he climbed on top,to cover her body possessively with his…” I think I may need seconds love...hope you're feeling up to it!” ...She pulled his head down so she could whisper seductively in his ear “seconds really? because I’m expecting Thirds Sweetie”. `Fuck ...she's so bloody hot`.!

They made mad passionate love...for a good few hours and finally lay sated contentedly in each other's arms. Alex spoke, “Mmm its feel so good to have your arms around me again”. Matt kissed her head, “it feels so good to have you in my arms again sweetheart”.   
He cleared his throat not wanting to spoil the mood but just to check on the situation. “I erm...i’m booked in the hotel for this week at least...it’s the Awards on Friday and there's a lot of photographers about London...well more than usual”.   
Alex sighed “Yeah you did right Matt, it's going to be difficult to keep this under wraps and i will feel comfortable letting people know eventually I'm sure...i just need to feel more confident about things that's all...i have a lot of issues with what people will say about me being the older one...having dealt with the wrath of the press allot in the past. They will say horrible things i have no doubt, I just need a bit of time until i feel mentally strong enough to deal with them that’s all...i hope you understand”.

Matt played with a few of her curls while listening to her insecurities...he could understand her way of thinking and reasoning about being heavily guarded from experience of events past. He had never been through any such press interference as she had to endure and it hurt him to think of people saying bad things or making things up about the wonderfully loving and caring woman in his arms...it angered him!   
“I do understand love...we will just keep as low key as possible out and about ok...there's nothing to worry about...or we could just stay in bed all day, every day...i’m happy with that “ . She smirked looking up “I’m quite happy with that too”!

Matt left reluctantly just before midnight to go back to his hotel...they couldn't afford for any nights spent only to have him photographed leaving in the morning...it wasn't worth the hassle at this point in time.   
They met up secretly throughout the week and even went out on a couple of dates but only as they would do like before, as friends without any kissing or cuddling...it was hard but they talked and still had fun...just so happy they could be around one another was a pleasure. Then when the Alex doors would shut they would engulf one another with their love...it was quite fun actually holding off and letting the desire build up to an explosive evening of passion!  
Karren and Arthur checked into the hotel on Wednesday ready for the Awards, so they went out with them while they were in Town. Sat in one of London's many bars Arthur spoke: “Ahh its so nice to have the family back together!”. They all nodded enthusiastically in agreement Karen looked at Alex “So Matt tells me your production at the Theatre is awesome...i can't wait to see it” . Alex smiled “Yes...it's doing really well, even if it is quite draining...it's not fair that I have to miss the awards on Friday though because of it...you will all be dressed up to the nines and i will be wearing my scruffs “ Pouty face..  
“You'll still look hot” Matt enthused! Then, quickly glanced around the table hoping that sounded like a normal Alex/Matt flirt...but nobody said anything accept a raised eyebrow from Karen.   
In the middle of deep conversation out of the corner of his eye Matt swallowed...there just walking through the door with a bunch of other girls, was his ex-girlfriend Daisy...she spotted him instantly and smiled waving. He uncomfortably returned the gesture. Matt and Daisy had split on friendly terms, Matt saying he was just too busy with `Who` to commit to a relationship at the time...when actually it was when he started getting feelings for Alex and it just didn't feel right to be with someone when he was thinking about being with someone else!  
Everyone turned to see who Matt was waving at, Alex shuffled a bit uncomfortable. Arthur rolled his eyes …”Oh, it's her...saw her this morning checking herself out in the hotel lobby mirror. She's staying in our hotel by the way...must be going to the awards too!”  
Karen couldn't help but give her pennies worth “Just stay away from her Matt, she only wanted to look good knowing you were going to be the new Doctor in the beginning anyway”. Matt sighed “Thank you Kaz was that a nice thing you just said or bad...i don't really know”.  
Alex was twiddling her fingers in her lap and Matt discreetly placed a hand over them sensing her tension. She glanced over and smiled, he gave a reassuring one back. They finished up their drinks and started to make their way out of the door.  
He felt a tap on his shoulder “Oh hey leaving already Matt i never got chance to come say hi and catch up!” Karen, Arthur, and Alex were all just watching the show...slightly displeased… a feeling of more awkwardness for Alex.   
Matt looked back at them, then back at Daisy “Um yeah, never mind i’m sure i will see you again at some point.” She smiled “Yeah you're going to the awards on Friday...me too, i will probably see you around” . “Ok then, bye Daisy “ …”Yeah nice seeing you, bye Matt”.

They all walked out quietly… Karen piped up again breaking the silence “well i’m on full fucking Daisy alert at the awards thing...don't worry Matt i got you covered if i see her approaching, i’ll tell ya” . Arthur looked at his watch “Well best get back to the hotel i really don't want to get a hangover in the morning”   
Matt could tell Alex had become a bit quiet… “yeah you guys go ahead, i’m going to make sure the Kingston gets home ok. They parted and Matt hailed a cab, he took her hand in the back …”Hey, you ok...you’ve been a bit quiet love”.   
She looked into his caring soft eyes, “Yeah...its just me being...well me...i have ho quarrels with Daisy she’s a lovely young Woman”.   
“Hey Alex listen...you know i don't feel anything for Daisy anymore...you know that right?” . She nodded “yes i know Matt, its just looking at her makes me remember what you could have...you know someone young and pretty and able to bare your children...your worth so much more than what i have to offer.”   
She looked down.. “Alex look at me love...you know what your saying is utter bull to me...i understand your logic but it's terribly wrong where i’m concerned...because i have everything i ever wanted in life right here in front of me... please trust that...trust me!”   
She nodded “I do Darling...i do trust you!” Sighing “Anyway on a lighter note, are you coming in for a tea or anything before you go back to your rubbish hotel”.  
Matt smiled “of course.. but i’m not sure about tea mind...the anything sounds good though”. She bit her lip “Mmm anything you say...anything...that could mean an infinite number of things Sweetie and i’m not sure we have the time for what I have in mind”. He smirked, “Ooo River Song you bad bad girl..i want to hear all about it...do tell!”.   
So Matt spent the next few hours at Alex’s having `TEA` apparently, before having to go back to his hotel!  
Friday night came and Matt had spoken to Alex over the phone before she went to do her show, sulking because he didn't have her with him to dance with at the awards.   
He just stepped out of the lift into the lobby where he had arranged to Meet Karen and Arthur so they could go together...he was a bit early so grabbed a quick drink from the bar.   
“Ooh fancy bumping into you again,” Looking to the barman “Gin and Tonic please, no ice Thanks”. It was Daisy, wearing a ridiculously revealing little number,` how did her boobs even stay in there god knows`.   
“Oh hi Daisy”...Matt took a long swig of his drink” . “So erm who are you going to the awards with...anyone i know?”. “No just some friends Matthew, you know me...any excuse for a party”.   
“Yeah always the party animal!” they smiled. A shout from across the room “Oy Matt...Waiting!!” it was Karen and Arthur looking intrigued. “Oh, that's my peep’s best be off Daisy see you around”.  
Matt was so glad he had an excuse to leave it just didn't feel right sat at the bar with his ex-girlfriend, `ugg beam me up scotty`. Just before he left Daisy tugged his shoulder and he turned, she then went on to straightened his tie for him. `shit what is she doing...stop that...don't touch me` he felt awfully uncomfortable with the situation.   
“There that's better...this suit looks so good on you.. would be a shame to ruin it with a squiffy tie”.   
Matt stepped away and rearranged it after her, “yeah thanks for that, ok bye Daisy” he walked very swiftly away without looking back, to his friends who gave him an exasperated look. 

The evening went by rather fast and Matt won his Category, so they were all pretty giddy and slightly smished, the who crew were all at the after party letting loose on the Dance floor.   
Matt looked at his watch thinking Alex should be finishing her production soon and was wondering if he could slip away early without anyone noticing. Karen had just nipped to the loo and Arthur turned to dance with some random bird. Matt was just about to leave the dance floor when Daisy bumped into him..   
“Hey there handsome, your not leaving without a dance with me are you?”. She was a bit tipsy Matt could tell and to be honest it felt like she was starting to follow him around a bit now and it was making him increasingly uncomfortable.  
”Um yeah, i think i’ve had enough dancing for the night Daisy...a bit knackered now i think” . She grabbed his hand..pulling him further into the crowd…” come on Matt, just one dance won't kill you...for old times sake yeah?” `just one dance and she will let you go` Matt thought...he could do that...that's ok, isn't it?  
“Errr ok just one dance then i have to go ok”.   
She huffed “that's fine...its just a bit of fun Matt...its a partyyyy” she was way too giddy. So they danced, Matt just hoping the song would end as soon as possible...it did end eventually and Matt smiled in relief about to say goodbye when Daisy unexpectedly wrapped her arms around his neck pressing her lips against his for a snog.   
Matt froze in shock at first `what the fuck...what the fuck is happening?`. He suddenly woke himself up, pushing her away angrily “Daisy...what the hell”. She just laughed “Gee’s Matt when did you become such a square...its not like your seeing anyone...thought we could have a bit of fun that's all!”.   
He stepped away further, “No Daisy, I'm not interested in having fun with you..i am seeing someone OK...but it’s private...so just stop doing... whatever it is that your doing!”. She looked at him in disbelief but slightly embarrassed with herself, “ I'm sorry Matt,I didn't know you were seeing anyone... I wouldn't have if i’d know” .  
He scratched his head “yeah i know...its not public knowledge yet, so i guess it’s not entirely your fault...but anyway i have to go Daisy” . she nodded “ok Matt, sorry again”. “Yeah, it's fine see ya bye”.  
He needed to go now...he’d had enough...Arthur came just as he was walking away, “I saw you and Daisy Dancing and Kissing from over there...are things back on now or what?” . Matt looked mortified “What No i am not and never will be back with Daisy!” `fuck who else has made that assumption` he thought.   
“Arthur please don't say anything to anyone about this...please...nothing happened, but i just need you not to say anything...you will understand soon enough...ok...please?” Arthur looked slightly bewildered…”ok sure mate...no worries”. “Thanks Arthur, I'm calling it a night so say bye to Kaz for me when you find her in this lot. Arthur looked around “yeah wish me luck with that one!”.

Matt went back to his Hotel Room and shut the door he was stressed and knackered and a bit drunk if he were honest. He flopped out on the bed...half an hour and he would call Alex when her theatre stuff was out of the way...he just needed to shut his eyes for a bit...that bit lasted until the morning, when a text woke him!

Buzzzzz

Kaz - Matt- never knew you got with Daisy last night, what happened to you wooing the Kingston...did you give up or something.

Matt bolted upright ...straighter than a fucking pin.

Matt - Kaz What the hell are you talking about Kaz...i never got with fucking Daisy!!!!.

Kaz - Matt Don’t lie to your mate’s Matt, your the talk of the night on Twitter and there's pictures of you both all over the place... first in the hotel where she's intimately sorting your tie...i thought that looked suspicious and then there's pictures of you and her snogging on the dance floor...what the hell...when were you going to tell me?

Matt went straight to all the major media sights and there he was With Daisy, her arms around his neck and lips pressed against his….”FUCKING...SHIT...FUCK...SHIT” .

He read some of the stuff   
* Looks like things are back on track for this sexy young couple. Miss Daisy Lowe and Mr Matthew Smith seem to be making another go of it after being spotted bonding in the hotel bar and getting saucy on the Dancefloor,....*

Matt just couldn't read it...this was going to break Alex ...had she seen it yet...would she believe it?? `of course shes going to fucking believe it Matt, the rest of the world does`. His heart was pounding...He called Alex `fuck` there was no answer. He got his shoes on, grabbed his jacket, still in last nights clothes..while he phoned Karen as he left. 

“Matt?”   
“Kaz listen to me...listen right fucking now...Daisy came on to me...she kissed me and i pushed her away and that's the fucking truth...there is nothing going on with her... nothing...she wouldn't leave me alone...fuck this is not happening”. 

“Matt calm chuffing down will you...so she kissed you, so what...does it even matter if it's lies...who cares really?” 

Matt stepped into the lift and slammed the button for the lobby “Alex...Alex fucking cares Kaz”

“What...what do you mean Matt “

He pinched the top of his nose feeling like his head was going to explode.

“Kaz... me and Alex are in a relationship...we have been in one for two months, but even before then after the crash we became incredibly close...I love her Kaz...shes everything to me ….and now its all fucking gone now...she's gonna see these fucking pictures and...well you know what she's going to think don't you….she's been through this before...only last time was real and this time its not….how can i prove to her i haven't cheated...how Kaz….i don't know what to fucking do!”

Karen tried to take in what he was saying as he was speaking incredibly fast…”Ok Matt where are you now?”

“I’m just getting in the car to her house...she won't answer her phone….you call kaz.. try and call her please….god, i’m gonna lose her aren't I???... I can’t lose her Kaz...i can’t.” 

“Ok Matt let me know if she's there, i will try calling...its going to be ok...just try and calm down...your innocent, you haven't done anything...i’m sure she will understand!” 

“No chance of that, whatsofuckingever...will do bye”


	8. Going Home!

The night before…  
Alex walked in exhausted from her theatre work… she made a nice cup of tea and plonked herself wearily on the sofa. Looking at her phone,` Hmm no new messages or missed calls from Matt….he will probably call soon to tell me all about his big win`.  
Someone at the Theater mentioned Doctor Who did really well at the awards and Matt won his category...she felt a great sense of pride about it! She waited for an hour and sighed...he was probably still at the party and lost track of time…` he’s going to be hungover tomorrow`. Alex took herself off to bed and it wasn't long before she was fast asleep.   
She woke up as soon as the sun broke...she reached over to grab her phone...no new messages. She started to browse at recent pictures from the awards...she found one of Matt with his Award and she smiled to herself looking at him all dashing in his divine suite, and that gorgeous floppy hair which she loved to tug at, her chest fluttered!   
She started scrolling again until she suddenly stopped. Her heart lurched out of her very being…` is that...No...No... it can't be Matt...it's his suit though...it's his hair...is that...oh that's Daisy...their kissing...there's another picture...she’s got his hand on his tie...No No...i am not seeing this ...Matt would never...Not Matt...but he has…..its right here in front of me `. Her heart began beating so fast she thought it might burst right out through her chest!   
She dropped the phone on the bed and stood up with a hand covering her mouth... I’m going to be sick`. She couldn't breathe...running to the bathroom only just making it...she retched in the toilet...and collapsed down onto the ground in floods of tears…` how could i have been so stupid...why did i Trust him...i knew it ...deep down i knew this was always going to happen...He was always too young and he would never want to be with me...why did i believe in him... I’m so stupid... I’m a joke!   
She sat there on the cold bathroom floor sobbing until her tears ran dry and her mind blanked, her body was cold and she was physically shaking!.  
She pulled herself off the floor stepped to the sink and splashed water on her face...looking at her reflection in disgust...disgusted with herself for allowing this to happen...without thinking she punched the mirror with all her might and it shattered into a million pieces as her heart and sole had been just moments ago!  
She looked at the blood on her knuckles and closed her eyes a moment settling herself...then opened them again. Her fight or flight response was consuming her now and she had neither the strength or will to fight… as her inner self took control of the situation!   
`I need to go...i can't stay here anymore...i need to leave...i don’t want to see him.` 

Alex pulled herself up off the floor and started packing things quickly. She called to book the first plane ticket out to LA, there was one leaving in 4 hours….she had time. She packed only the important things, got her passport and her iPod with the Therapy help download for on the plane…..She was motionless like a robot ...not even thinking now...just doing!   
And just like that, she left...like it was the easiest decision she ever made! 

When Matt got To Alex’s he knocked on the door, tense and heart beating out of his chest...He tried calling again...no answer...he knocked again, louder this time.  
“Alex open up...we need to talk...Alex” ...Nothing! 

Just then his phone rang...he fumbled swiftly to Answer not looking who it was “Alex?”   
There was an angry voice on the other side “NO Matt, Its not Alex….it’s Nicola, you fucking arse hole!!  
Matt swallowed “Look Nicola...it's not what it looks like...it…” She broke him off, “Shut up ...i don't give a shit about you!! I don't know what's happened, but I know it's something to do with you….only a Man could make Alex lose control like this and behave this way, and seen as you've been the only one around her these days I'm presuming this is your doing”   
He spun around on the spot...running a hand through is hair panicked… “Nicola, Where is she...where's Alex?”  
“Shes fucking gone into crazy psycho mode and this is your FAULT.  
.Alex phoned me calm as a cucumber...letting me know she was going HOME and could i please tidy her house at some point ready to let...then hung up. Do you get that Matt...Shes GOING HOME...ON A FUCKING PLANE, BY HERSELF!!!!   
I’M TOO FAR AWAY TO GET THERE...BUT I’M TELLING YOU NOW, IF SHE GETS ON THAT FUCKING PLANE ALONE...I WILL RIP OFF YOUR ARMS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOR FUCKING ARSE”!!

Matt had tears streaming uncontrollably from his eyes, he couldn't believe that Alex would want to be so far away from him that she would run into something that has been frightening the hell out of her all year. “I’m so sorry...I’m going Nicola ... I’m going to the airport right now!”   
He hung up running to the car...he just needed to get there, `wait...passport...wheres my fucking passport….hotel...right hotel...then airport...please let me make it...please god let me get there in time.`   
She may already be on the plane he thought...she could be in the air right now...ALONE!!   
“I’m alone Matt...i don’t want to be alone,'' her words running through his head like a whip cracking the inside of his skull. Matt was panicked, desperate, felt sick and a number of horrible other unspeakable things ran through his body.   
It was pure luck he never got pulled over by the police for speeding..although a few cameras did flash, but he didn't give a toss about that!. He eventually pulled into the airport...he hadn't been back here since the crash...but paid no attention to that fleeting thought. He just needed to find Alex.   
He could see no departures for LA on the screens, so ran to the desk breathlessly..`  
LA...have you had a flight to LA this morning?” The woman was infuriatingly slow on the computer ...”Umm...oh yes, they are just boarding sir!”.

“What right now… SHIT” He ran a hand through his hair shaking…”Right i need a ticket for that flight”. “Sorry sir they are boarding we are not allowed to sell tickets at this time.”   
Matt was becoming increasingly agitated now…” look please...you have spare seats yeah...the plane’s still boarding...this is important...you can't do this to me ...please don't do this...i need that ticket”!!!   
The woman could see the desperation and tears starting to fall from his eyes...she sighed looking around, “Ok..ok...but you will have to be quick sir “. She printed off his ticket…”any bags?”....”No just my rucksack ``...''That's fine here's your ticket ... you're at Gate 4 and please be quick”.  
Matt took the ticket “Thank you...Thank you .” He ran like the wind they were just closing the doors when he got there…”Your cutting it a bit close there mate...1 more minute and you would be waving bye-bye” he chuckled to himself...Matt did not find him amusing at all and just handed him his ticket, “Thanks”! 

He boarded the plane sighing in relief...his heart finally started to calm a bit even though he still felt incredibly sick. He walked up the aisle not looking for his seat number but looking for some curly hair...finally he found her...he leaned over the chair behind just to get his breath and stop himself from collapsing.   
She had her earphones in and her eyes shut! Matt took a step forward, she looked so frail and exhausted...he could see her fists were clenched into white tight balls, one of them looked scratched and bruised. He swallowed, then turned to acknowledge the guy sitting next to her, “hey Mate...do you mind swapping seats with me please... I’m 5F..”  
The Man looked at the woman next to him eyes shut ...body trembling and doing a weird counting exercise under her breath…”Errr yes it's all yours mate...good luck”. “Thank you so much...really thank you”.   
They swapped and Matt sat down finally next to Alex...she never even noticed...listening to her self help download from her therapy sessions, she was still doing the numbers exercise as the plane started to move!   
Matt took a deep breath, he didn't know what to do and really didn't want to disturb her concentration if was keeping her controlled and calmish. He suddenly felt pretty anxious too about being on the plane...the last time he was here he saw one crash on this bloody runway…` fuck...breath Matt...just keep breathing!`  
The plane sped up and Alex's hands flew to her ears as she was still counting numbers with eyes tightly shut as tears sprung from her eyes. Matt looked across as the plane tilted and lifted off the ground his heart broke looking at her. She needed to know she wasn't alone...he couldn't help it... he reached up to take her hand...and pried it away from her face. It took her a moment to distinguish that someone had taken it. Her concentration broke and she looked across startled, eyes like a frightened deer caught in the headlights, to see Matt holding her hand.

More tears poured from her eyes as the plane finally began to level...she leaned into him grasping his shirt tightly and his arm came around her protectively… “Shhh i got you...i got you sweetheart..i’m here!”.  
She stayed like that for over an hour not moving away...just clenching and unclenching her grasp on Matts shirt like some form of finger exercise...until the pressure finally exhausted her and she fell asleep.   
Matt relaxed when she finally found a bit of peace...and his exhausted mind wasn’t far behind hers!   
He woke to find Alex leaned up against the window eyes staring downwards in a world of her own. He shuffled about, his back ached. Alex’s eyes were startled by his movement. And she sighed looking away out of the window.   
After 15 minutes Matt couldn't take it any longer...he spoke softly “Alex?” Nothing...she said or did nothing. “Alex... please can we talk”. She turned to him with pure hate in her eyes, “Don’t you fucking talk to me!”.   
Matt swallowed...he had never seen this look on her before...it frightened him...not by what she said...but just the look of utter confusion, hurt and anger, he was scared for her...what had he done!   
“I never did anything, Alex, i swear...she kissed me!”

She pointed a shaking finger as she tried to control her rage, “I said don’t you dare talk to me! I will speak to you when i get home...if i get home. I hope this fucking plane crashes, that's why i got on it...that's what i hope...so don't you dare say another word Matthew..don't you dare!”   
She turned back to face the window, tears started falling from her eyes as she silently cried.

Matt sat back in his seat as her words stabbed him like a thousand knives, he knew it wouldn't take much to break her after her emotional pain from the crash...she was already mentally vulnerable...and now because of him, she was completely unstable.   
She wanted the plane to crash...she wanted to die. Oh, the amount of times he wanted to find that Ralph Fiennes and punch his face into oblivion for making his Kingston feel so Low that she wished it would all just end. And now here she was feeling exactly the same way...again...because of him!   
He cried...resting his elbow on the armrest, he put his head in his hand crying quietly to himself!

It was a long silent flight after that...the fasten seatbelt sign came on and they finally started to descend… Alex’s breathing started to increase and her fingers were shaking as she fumbled to get her iPod and put her earphones in.   
Matt watched her as she shut her eyes again and started the number exercise quietly under her breath again.   
The plane jolted as it sank lower and she grabbed both armrests swiftly...gripping on so tight it looked like she was about to pull the entire thing off its frame. Matt couldn't bear to watch her struggle, he placed his hand over hers carefully. She let go of the armrest instantly and grab his hand tightly then leaned into him while placing her other hand over her ear. He could feel her body shaking, she was hot at sweating...he placed a kiss on her forehead..and stroked her hair soothingly with his free hand.   
They landed with a bounce, as Alex clung on to Matt for dear life until the plane finally ground to a halt.   
People started standing around waiting for the doors to open...Alex had not moved yet and Matt didn't want to rush her. The passengers eventually started to move...it was nearly empty when Alex started to come around… she pulled back slowly...looking around a bit dazed ...her eyes never met Matts as she spoke: “Um let's go then shall we”. 

The taxi ride was quiet … Matt knew the rules though...he wasn't allowed to talk until they got to Alex's house.   
He texted her sister to let her know he was with her and that she was safe. To which she replied. “I've seen the pictures you arse hole...i hope you rot in hell!”

They got in the house and Matt carried Alex’s bag for her into the hall as she closed the door.   
She walked into the kitchen silently as Matt followed suit. He leaned against the counter as she proceeded to fill the Kettle and make two cups of tea with powdered milk because obviously her fridge was unstocked!   
She then headed to the living room and gestured for him to sit in the single chair as she sat across from him on the couch. 

She finally made eye contact, she looked drained, exhausted and motionless. “Well then...you wanted to talk...so here's your chance...speak”  
Matt looked away a moment it pained him to see her completely broken, he had to try, he loved her so much ...all he could do was try!   
His eyes met hers again “ Alex, there is nothing between me and Daisy! The first time I saw her I was with you, Karen and Arthur in the bar.   
Then the next time i saw her it was just before the awards, when I was sitting in the lobby waiting for Kaz and Arthur. She just showed up next to me...i felt awkward and wanted to leave...it wasn't long before they came to get me...but when i was leaving she pulled me back to straighten my tie.” He sighed, '' I didn't like it...but I felt kind of stuck in the situation...I stepped away quickly and left with the guys! 

Alex just starred listening with no reaction. Matt swallowed and went on!

“The last time I saw Daisy i was just about to leave. I missed you and it just felt wrong being there without you. When i nearly got off the dance floor Daisy pulled me back asking for a dance ...i tried to make excuses but she was drunk and wired and she said just one dance... so I thought if I did it, she would finally leave me alone.”   
He took a deep breath before he proceeded.  
“ After the song was finished, I was just about to say bye when she just threw her arms around me and forced her lips onto mine”. Alex’s eyes narrowed…”I was instantly shocked and I pushed her away, asking her what the hell she thought she was doing. She said she was just having a bit of fun with me because I was single and...oh...Alex, i told her No...i told her i was in a relationship with someone, but that it wasn't public yet and she had to stop.”   
He moved closer to the sofa got down on his need to grasp her cold hands on her lap. “Please Kingston...please I’m telling you the truth...i would never hurt you like this...Never, i would rather die first, please”! 

She stood up walking over to the window to look out at the garden crossing her arms. Matt was still sat on the floor…she turned.   
“I honestly don't know what to think Matt... I thought i trusted you...but I can't bring myself to believe what your telling me is the truth...i have heard so many lies in my life, that truth has become somewhat obsolete! For all i know you and Daisy have played me for a fool...and i am a fool aren't i...to allow myself to be put into this position again!.  
I knew i was too old for you...that you would soon get bored and move on after your little trophy fix or pity fucks...whatever it was.”   
Matt shook his head standing up…”NO Alex Never, i love you”.

“See the thing is Matt, we could never have been...it was always wrong...i shouldn't have allowed myself fall for someone and especially someone so young...it was stupid of me to believe….to believe in you.   
I want to Trust you...to believe in your words because I Love you...i love you so goddamn much it's killing me Darling.  
But I don’t know do i...how do i know you haven't been shagging your pretty little Daisy at the hotel every time you left me. It's so easy to believe...and you do right to have her...i’m a Fucking mess with more baggage than Heathrow and L.A.X put together. 

Matt walked closer to her “Alex you should know me by now......look at me...look at me love…I'm still in my awards clothes for christ sakes... I followed you here with nothing more than a rucksack, my wallet and a passport because I Love you and because I’m telling you the truth...i will follow you to the ends of the earth to make you see reason!. How could you ever think I would ever do anything like that to you...your my everything, my world, my touchstone…. You must know this...you have to know this Sweetheart...i thought you knew me...please i would never Lie to you Never!!” 

 

Alex ran a hand across her forehead, “it's too much ...my mind can't think ...i can't…” she suddenly went pale rushing past him “i need ...to ...go to the bathroom”.   
She made it crashing down to the ground to heave into the toilet. Matt rushed behind her holding her hair away from her face…”Its ok Alex, I’m here its ok”, after what seemed like ten minutes she stood wobbly and paced to the sink.   
She went to reach for the tap but turned back to face Matt, her face was pale as ash… “Darling I don't...think ...i feel...”. Matt could see her lights were fading, he rushed to catch her before she fell. The pressure of everything had finally been too much and she collapsed in his arms. “I've got you Sweetheart...i’ve always got you”.  
He picked her up carrying her exhausted body...up the stairs...he wasn't sure where her bedroom was, but after trying the third doorway he breathed relief! He placed her gently down onto the bed, brushing her hair away from her face. `please Alex… please trust in me love...please believe me, i need you...please`.   
His eyes fell upon her injured hand and he inspected it closely, then placed a delicate kiss on her forehead, “I love you Alex”.

Alex woke in her bed, still dressed in her clothes, she’s not sure how long she was out but it looked like morning from the light outside. She noticed her hand was wrapped up in some sort of dressing too. The house was silent, she sighed and swung her legs off the side of the bed...just then she looked down to see Matt lying on the floor near her feet.   
Her heart broke, she stepped over his sleeping body to open the chest at the end of her bed...she grabbed a blanket, and bent down to place it carefully over him...she gently stroked his hair..gazing at him deep in thought. She then quietly crept away closing the door gently behind her.  
She found her phone in the kitchen...there was a million missed calls and messages...she didn't want to deal with anything or anyone at this moment in time.  
She had bloody walked out on the theatre production and that wasn't going to go down well at all. She decided just to call her parents, Nicola and Salome to let them know she was ok and the other stuff could go to hell for now!   
She checked on Matt while the bath was running, he was still out cold ...her muscles ached and she just wanted to soak in hot bubbles! When it was run she got out of her clothes that just made her feel so utterly filthy and then took the dressing off her hand. She finally sank down into the bubbles closing her eyes, taking a deep breath!   
After nearly ten minutes of soaking she heard a knock on the door, “Alex..are you in there...are you ok?”.   
She bit her lip nervously…”Yes, you can come in its ok...nothing you haven't seen before”. He opened the door carefully, like a burglar who was about to be hit with a cricket bat any second.   
He saw her wet curls around her face and her body surrounded by bubbles, only her small toes were out, twiddling around the cool chrome of the taps.   
“Um i just wanted to make sure you were ok...well you know ...i know your not ok...but just ...feeling better than before...i was worried about you.”  
She sighed sitting up as bubbles settled on her breasts...Matt tried not to look!  
”I don't feel sick anymore...just aching” She looked down his frame...still in his beautiful suite from the awards, only now looking utterly disheveled and creased and to be honest he looked like a walking disaster.  
“Matt Darling, come join me in the bath you look like death”. He looked shocked at her plasay request...was this a joke...is she trying to trick him...is it a test? “Er, I’m not sure...if ...um” Alex got agitated still on a high level of intolerance.   
“Matt for god's sake get out of those shitty stinky clothes and come sit behind me in the bath... it's not like we are going to fuck right now is it!”

He did as told and stripped then climbed in behind her...the temperature was hot, he placed his long legs either side of Alex as she relaxed back into him, she took his hands and wrapped them in hers around her frame.   
She sighed feeling his tension still, “Sorry for snapping at you...my heads still a mess and I can't think straight as i suppose you can clearly see...wondering what the hell I'm doing allowing you into my bath!   
Well please don't worry about it ok...at this moment in time i just need to feel you near me ok...love isn't like a switch, I can't just turn it off and whether it's right or wrong, that's how I feel right now...and tomorrow could be a whole different story...are you ok with that?”  
Matt cleared his throat, “Yes I’m ok with that Alex”

“Matt, how did you know where i was?”  
“Oh your sister phoned me when i was knocking at your door...she said she would ...and i quote `rip of my arms and shove them up my fucking arse`”  
Alex scoffed “Yeah that sounds like her”  
Matt made a wincing noise “She scares the shit out me!”  
“Yeah...she's a good sister”

He relaxed a bit more in a moment of silence before he tried to lighten the air a bit  
“I think I was probably starting to smell like a London Sewer now that i think about it ”. She gave a quiet laugh…”Yeah, i thought i could smell you from downstairs, actually. You’ll have to wrap up in a towel or something, while I wash and dry your clothes!”   
“It's fine Kingston I’ll sort me out...you don’t need to do anything”  
“Matthew I’m not having you put them stinking clothes back on or trying to figure out my washing machine because that in itself is a disaster waiting to happen. I will sort your clothes out or you can wear a pink frilly dress Salome would love to see you in ...the choice is yours!”  
“Hmm ok, i think i would like my clothes clean then if that's ok...Thank You...but only because I don't think the dress is my size though...that's all” She giggled.   
He smiled gently squeezing her tightly into him and shutting his eyes ...content in the fact that there was some tension between them easing at least!  
Alex got out eventually leaving him to soak on his own a bit while she took his clothes and got changed into some comfy leggings and a rock t-shirt.  
Matt found her sat out in the garden, he came out to join her with a towel around his waist. He sat down on the bench next to her “I like your garden Kingston...i don't think i have seen so much colour in one place before.” She glanced around appreciating his comment, she had planned this garden out from scratch and it took her a long time to get it looking how she wanted it.  
“Thank you Sweetie, I always miss it when i’m away...it's a lovely little haven and a suntrap too...it always helps me relax...well usually!”  
Matt sighed, running a hand through his still damp hair “So Alex what would you like me to do love...i’m not going back to the UK ..i’m staying in LA until...well until things are fixed between us. So is it best if I book a hotel nearby so you can have your space?... Would that be best..because I'm really not sure what i should be doing right now!”

“Matt Darling...please listen to what I'm going to say and try to understand.” she bit her lip “I'm really not sure we can be fixed Matthew...you may or you may not have cheated on me...all i have are a couple of pictures showing the man i love pressed up against another woman...that's what i have!   
For me it's like history repeating itself...those are all the facts, it's familiar territory for me!!! And as it pains me to say...even if you have been entirely loyal and trustworthy... which my heart will always tell me you have because in reality, i could never imagine you ever doing such a thing…. my own doubts will always terrorize me to no end and i will end up pushing you away anyway in the long run... through my own fears and insecurities.”

“What are you saying Alex...are you trying to tell me there is no hope...ever?”

A tear escaped her eyes “Yes Darling, I’m saying i have to set you free...it's the right thing to do!”

Matt stood up and started pacing “No, no, no...you can’t do that Alex...you can’t do this to me...i love you...i have done nothing wrong...and i will never do anything wrong to you ...never...i’m not leaving...you can’t make me leave ...i will stay in LA... I will annoy you something rotten...i will hound you until you see sense!”   
Tears started pouring from his eyes, she couldn't take seeing him like any longer, she stood up and wrapped him up in her arms. “Please Darling, please...if you love me you have to let me go...please do it for me Matt...i need you to be strong and let me go...we have to do this...it was never meant to be!” After a wave of uncontrollable emotion from both of them, Matt pulled away from her embrace, placing a hand on her tear-streaked face, “your wrong my love...and i will spend every day for the rest of my life proving that to you!” He smiled lovingly and walked back into the house.


	9. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Final Chapter...

Matt grabbed his rucksack, his wallet and his passport and headed to say goodbye to Alex, she was sitting at the kitchen table head in her hands. ”Right I’m going then Alex love... I’m only staying down the road at the `Grand` if you need me for anything I will be there!”  
She looked up at him “Matt...i just want you to know... i do trust you Darling...i don't believe you did anything more than love me...i know in my heart...i just lost my mind in a moment of insanity! But please...look at how i acted Matthew...i was irrational and uncommunicative...i fled in an instant, assuming the worst!  
You, your so calm and so loyal and so bloody perfect ...i would ruin you Darling! Please go home...go home and find someone who...well someone who isn't bad for you!”

He walked closer and leaned down to kiss her forehead… “Alex, you are my home sweetheart!”   
Then he left to go to the Grand!

Four days had passed with nothing between either of them...Alex wondered if he had actually done as she had suggested and gone back to the UK. Salome had come over yesterday and she was happy to have the distraction and feel the comfort of being back in LA so close to her again. As wonderful as it was having her daughter back...she did miss Matt, but she hoped he had given up on her and gone back to the UK...he deserved so much better than what she had to offer she thought!   
Alex had dropped Salome off at school and as was just pulling up the driveway when she noticed a figure sat on the wall...it was Matt! A smile tried to grace her face and she sighed...was it a relief that he was still around or was it an annoyance that he hadn't left...she pulled instinctively towards relief but just didn't want to admit that to herself right now!

Alex Got out of the car as Matt looked on with a big cheesy grin...she couldn't help but smirk at him. “Hey, Kingston...what took you so long... I’ve been sat here for bloody 10 minutes with nothing to do...i nearly died of boredom!”.   
She laughed “Darling if you wanted something to do there are a few weeds in the garden needs pulling out over there, the gardener kindly left them while I was away...so hop to it if you're that stuck for something sweetie!”.  
He jumped down off the wall…”That’s bloody work Kingston... I’m not here to work,!”.   
She looked slightly intrigued …” then what are you here for sweetie...a quickie?”  
He blushed “what NO...well if you...NO...i'm actually here to have fun with my...err...shall we say... best friend for now?”.   
She folded her arms “Hmm and what sort of fun did you have in mind with your...what did you say...best friend?”. His eyes drifted to the outbuilding behind her...she followed his gaze...then her jaw dropped…”NO...Matt no way!!”. 

There leaned up against the building was a bicycle...but not a normal bicycle...it was a bicycle made for two, with a pair of helmets dangling from the handlebars! He laughed pacing towards her and placed his hands on her shoulders from behind, ushering her towards the bike to have a look. “Isn't she beautiful Kingston?” she shook her head, “What in the name of sanity are you thinking...there is no way in hell I'm getting on that death trap!”. Matt walked around to the front of the bike to play with the breaks and fondle cool metal! ”Death Trap” He scoffed... “nonsense...don’t listen to her sexy she doesn't know a good vehicle when it slaps her in the face!”   
Alex rolled her eyes “Sexy...i thought the Tardis was Sexy...you traitor!”....”The Tardis is sexy Alex and so is this bike and so are you, so quit your whining and go slip into something more suitable for a bike ride, then we can go play!”  
“You're taking the piss though right...i mean honestly Matthew... do you actually know the name of the person in the song about a bicycle made for two!”  
“The name of ...what song... ohhh”...... F.U.C.K…..his heart dropped into his stomach before he composed himself again...” Fuck no...trust you to think of that Kingston...i just saw this little beauty parked outside the shop and thought ` Oh Hell Yeah`, so stop trying to make excuses and get ya arse on this bike...NOW!!”  
She huffed ”No I told you already, I’m not going!!!”

Fifteen minutes later Alex had put on some trainers and a nice red bike helmet…”Fucks sake, i can't believe you have talked me into this shit Matt”   
He laughed “and i can't believe you got that helmet over that big head of hair!”   
she scowled “Twat”.   
“So do you want the front or the back love?”.  
She smirked naughtily “Ooo it's like the big question isn't it...which do you prefer the Top or bottom”.   
“Kingston!!....front or back?”.   
She put a finger on her chin thinking “Hmm back i think. “  
Matt grabbed the bike and rolled it in front of Alex “The Back... great choice...makes me feel more manly driving up front...well hop on then”.   
She bit her lip while she took hold of the handlebars…” umm I’m not sure about this Sweetie!”. Matt could sense her anxiety “You can ride a bike can’t you Alex?”.   
She scoffed “of course I can ride a bike you arsehole...but this isn't a normal bike is it!!! It's a bloody accident waiting to happen, that's what it is!”   
“Look just swing your leg over...that's totally easy, you’ve done it over me plenty of times with such skill and finesse ”. He winked.  
she scowled more... but did as told. “There you're ready for taking off now ...easy as pie”   
“I hate you!”.   
He just clipped his helmet on smiling “no you don’t “ and then he swung his leg over.”Are you ready to pedal love?”  
She suddenly panicked “wait, Matt, Wait...you have been on one of these before haven't you?? How do we coordinate...um balance...don't go yet...tell me what to do?”  
He turned to laugh at her “No, I haven't been on one of these before...why the hell do you think I'm so excited...so i suppose what we do is just lift our feet off the floor together and just pedal...after three ...one”  
“No Matt”  
“Two”  
“No wait”  
“Three”  
“SHIT”  
They both started pedaling and rolling down the drive, Alex screamed as they set off, Matt was in hysterics trying not to lose control through his laughing…” pedal Kingston”.   
“I am pedaling Matthew...can i open my eyes yet”.   
“What the hell...yes open your eyes, you nutter.”  
She unscrewed her eyes “Oh wow look i can do it, it's actually easier than I thought” She giggled …”Not sure I trust your driving though, but the view of your arse isn't half bad!”  
He turned his head “Oy don't be looking at my arse Kingson”  
“Matt, look where you're going...i think i want to be up front on the way back, you're gonna run us into a tree”  
He smirked “Fine, then I get to look at your arse HA !!”   
They rode down a pretty old dirt track that led to a proper biking path near the beach…Matt huffed “Gees i am so unfit...it's getting harder to pedal now”.   
Alex just hummed...Matt did a quick glance back “Kingston are you even pedaling?”   
“What...i just needed a rest and you were so eager to be soooo manly up front” she huffed “Fine i will do a bit more pedaling if you can’t handle it!”   
“Crist woman, you're killing me” She giggled and Matt couldn't help but smile at the sound of happiness radiating from her!

They grabbed lunch outside a small cafe near the beach! As Matt had gone to the loo, Alex scrolled through her phone browsing then came to a halt at a particular article that caught her eyes ...

`Not only has Matt Smith been seen getting up close and personal with Daisy Lowe of late...but also he was seen leaving L.A.X with none other than Alex Kingstone, less than 24 hours later from when he was captured kissing Lowe.!   
Kingston who was involved in the tragic plane crash earlier this year has been keeping a low profile, but seemed to be doing well as she is currently starring in the West End!   
The production company has yet to respond to Kingston's apparent erratic behaviour...that has seen them having to close its doors and refund tickets, as she Left London Unexpectedly that morning!  
Is this a Love triangle? Is Kingston's apparent Breakdown formed from jealousy over Matt Smith's renewed relationship with Lowe..we don’t know!   
What we do know is that Smith has been incredibly close friends with Kingston since the tragic plane crash... even going as far to stay in London a week early for the awards,so he can see her new show and spend quality time with his part-time co-star...has it been more? Is the Cougar not letting her Cub go out to play ...your guess is as good as ours. No statement from Lowe, Kingston or Smith have yet been made. We will be watching with intrigue as events unfold with these three ...`

Matt came back and sat across from Alex as she sighed “Apparently I'm not letting my Cub go out to play” She handed him her phone...he read it as she started eating her greek salad!   
She could see his face contort in anger. He handed her back the phone..”Bunch of Twats they are...you shouldn't read that Crap Kingston...they just make up some random shit to sell their rags! Why do I even need to tell you this love...you know i never read stuff online or even buy their fake news magazines! This is where you go wrong Kingston and you need to stop it...stop looking at that those things and stop paying mind to what all those nosey knobheads think about you...because they don't know the real you and they never will!   
The real you is far too wonderful and wonderful doesn't sell magazines Alex!!!”

She looked at him as he finished his little speech and started tucking into his burger and chips like a ravenous dog!   
She knew she shouldn't look at such things like the media sites and magazines but it had always been a bad habit of hers...peoples opinions meant a lot to her! She always felt like she had something to prove...was always interested if she got a good review for her work...Generally, they would slate her blase taste in fashion ...she had her own style and it was comfort, that was not what they liked apparently!   
When in actual fact they weren't the right people whose opinions actually really matted!   
Matt made sense...it was so easy for him because he had never done it...never felt the need to prove anything to anyone...it was the simplest thing to do and yet the hardest habit to break...to just...well let go of it, and not care what they think!

“I think maybe your right Matt!” He nearly choked on his chip “Did you just say i was right...you did not just say that...could you put that in writing so I can keep it?...well fuck me!” She reached over and playfully slapped him…” stop being such an arshole”. He laughed “Hell Kingston, but it's so rare I'm right...i’m actually quite impressed with myself...is there a reward or something?”  
She stabbed her salad smirking and shaking her head “oh shut up...yeah you wish!”   
He took a sip of his drink and placed his glass on the table looking at her“yeah i do wish actually!”. She looked back into his eyes for a lingering moment, then back out down as she ate again deep in thought!

They chatted while eating their lunch, Matt asked if Sal was around on Sunday because he thought they could all go on a picnic at the park...Alex’s heart melted! Then he told her about the shopping spree he went on the other day for clothes and the cool shop he found where he just had to get one of everything! They laughed and relaxed, it felt good, fun, and easy...like old times.   
Eventually, they headed back and Alex had to have a go up front, which Matt loved as he ogled her arse and made naughty comments... she had to swap over at halfway for laughing too much and nearly steering them into a parked car...they made it back in one piece thow...eventually!

They pulled back into the yard and climbed off the bike...things started to feel a bit awkward again as they quietly undid their helmets ...Alex broke the silence “Thanks Darling...i didn't expect we would survive when i saw this ridiculous contraption this morning...but I had a good time actually...it’s been so long since i had fun like that...so Thank you!” She walked up to him and kissed his cheek, smiling softly.   
Matt smiled in return “Your most welcome Kingston...i thought we worked pretty well together too..see things aren't always as bad as you think they are going to be are they?”  
She looked down fiddling with the helmet... “Matt...i...um would you like to come inside...for tea before you go?”  
He looked at her, unsure if she felt like she had to ask him in or if she actually wanted him to come inside...he decided it would be best to go at this point...they had a great day and he wasn't going to invade her space too much and ruin everything by trying to rush back into things! “Um no its ok thank you” She looked disappointed. “I have to get this bike back before they close...but i will be around for you and Sal on Sunday yeah...i’m looking forward to our picnic with you both!!”   
She shook her curls “Oh god, please don't bring a bicycle made for three ...i don't think my calf muscles can do any more cycling this week!”   
“Hmm in need of a massage are you Kingston...i would have those aching muscles feeling all relaxed in know time...do you have a sore bottom though, because i think i do” He rubbed his bum.   
She laughed and hit him playfully, “Oh shut up and get lost will you”  
He sighed “Fine i bet you miss me though don't you?”  
“Goodbye Matthew”   
He started rolling the bike away “I quite like living in a hotel you know, it may become my permanent residence...still no Kingston in my bed though”  
She sighed walking away towards the house as he left talking to himself, she turned and shouted “Matt!”  
He looked back at her. She smiled “I do miss you darling” and then she disappeared through the door. Matt felt his body fill with delight and warmth at her words...then he quietly spoke again to himself “yeah she’s mine” then he started whistling a happy tune on his way back!

 

In the evening while Salome had gone to bed Alex was chilled out on the Sofa watching a movie, wishing she had Matt to snuggle up to and then telling herself off for nearly caving into her suggestive mind!  
``I have to be strong and focused...let Matt know we can still be friends, but only friends, I have to be strong so he can have a better life and a better person...he will soon realize this and eventually go home!`.   
Just as she was brewing in her own thoughts, paying no mind at all to the movie, her phone rang...she didn't recognize the number “Hello?”.  
It was a female voice “Oh hi...is that Alex?”.   
“Yes this is she...may I ask who's calling please?”.   
“Its Daisy...Daisy Lowe”.   
Alex froze, her heart lurched out of her chest…` shit`, she was tempted to hang up and throw the phone across the room...but she held on tight!   
“Ok, um how can i help you Daisy?”   
“I know you're in LA with Matt i saw a picture of you both leaving the airport ...Matt told me he was seeing someone at the awards party so I'm presuming now its you...am i right?”.  
Alex was quite a moment, her heart beating fast, wondering if she should lie or not, she was never very good at lying “Yes we were in a relationship...it’s ...it’s not something that we ever shared with other people though Daisy!”  
She could hear Daisy sigh “Look Alex I'm not some boyfriend stealer or homewrecker ...whatever you want to call it...i may be wild, but i’m not that much of a bitch. I thought Matt was single and I toyed with him for fun that night that's all...i would never have kissed him had I known he was with someone, I'm so sorry. I just wanted you to know, he did not reciprocate my actions in any way and pushed me away instantly to set me straight...i mean of course he would wouldn't he, he’s Matt...Mr Bloody Perfect like always!.... Anyway i have arranged an interview for myself tomorrow because of this love Triangle Bollocks they are throwing about and I'm just letting you know that I will tell them there was nothing going on between me and Matt and there never will be either because he’s clearly in love with someone else!...is it ok for me to do that Alex?”

Alex was a bit speechless for a moment until she remembered to respond to Daisy’s question “Err yes Daisy that would be very helpful thank you!”   
“Consider it sorted….and for the record, i think you and Matthew make a lovely couple...i can see in his eyes how much you mean to him and I wish you all the best, Bye Alex!”  
“Thank you Daisy, that means a lot, bye.”

She clicked the phone off and just sat there in shock, the conversation still whirling around her head.

Sunday soon came around and Salome was bouncing off the wall’s waiting for Matt to show up. She spotted him pulling up the drive from the window, she squealed “Mum Mattys here!”  
Matt pulled up in style wearing his dark shades and driving a 1969 Red Mustang Convertible. Salome ran outside to greet him, he spotted her running toward him as he closed the car door. His heart could not contain itself as she flew into his arms as if she did it every day “Matty...i missed you!” `get a grip Matt, don't cry in front of the child...play it cool` “He spun her around, “I missed you too poppet...what do you think of my ride?” He put her down as she inspected the vehicle “I think it's well cool...can I drive it!”   
He chuckled “Not a chance you little Dalek ...your mother would put my head on a spike...speaking of which where is she?”   
“Oh she was just getting ready...she changed about 5 times, but don’t tell her i told you that!” Matt smirked, “You have my word Sal!”

Just then Alex came out with a lovely summery dress and all curls with bounce, smiling like an angel. Matt swallowed, “Hello Kingston, you're looking incredibly beautiful... I'm not sure I want to take you out now...other men may Oogle!” She could not escape the blush that flashed through her...she hoped Matt didn't notice! He Did. “Oh don't be ridiculous Darling...oh wow Sweetie, I’m loving your car...can i drive it?” Sal laughed, and Matt rolled his eyes...Alex was confused “What?”.   
Matt walked around to open the passenger door, pulling the seat forward to let a giggling Salome in the back, “Like mother like Daughter”.   
Alex climbed in and he shut the door running around the side and hopping over the car door into the driver's seat like a pro. He turned to look at Alex with a smug grin nodding...he just attempted that and he didn't fall on his face…”Did you see that Kingston...this man has skills” Alex rolled her eyes, “Darling it takes more than jumping over a car door to impress me!” He looked in the rear view mirror “Well Sal was impressed wasn't you Sal? “Hmmm kind of...but..actually no, not really”.  
Matt shook his head “Blimey it looks like I'm going to have to up my game !”  
Alex and Salome giggled and Matt couldn't help but smile as he pulled away with `his girl’s` in tow.!  
When they got to the park Matt pulled out a large traditional wicker picnic basket filled with goodies and a nice blanket. They found a nice Shaded spot under a tree on higher ground that whispered a nice cool breeze through the heat of the day.   
Matt brought a football and was teaching an eager Salome a few football skills that she could outdo the boys with...then went on to see who could do the most kick ups...Alex could only manage two...but it made both Matt and Salome roll on the floor with laughter as she kept attempting to get more!  
“Ok mum that's enough embarrassment for one day...my go!”  
“You cheeky young lady...i’ll have you know i was incredibly close to getting three then!”  
She walked over to an amused Matt and sat down next to him under the tree “Its ok Kingston...i thought you did incredibly well, you'll get it next time I’m sure!”  
She looked across at him smiling at her with such love and admiration in his eyes...her heart fluttered and she grabbed a drink as her mouth went dry. She looked over at Sal who was busy attempting to do a rainbow flick Matt had shown her!

“I err received a call from Daisy!” Matt tensed at the name his face serious “What did she want...was she being a bitch...i won't stand for it Alex, she has no right…” He began to get out his phone angrily.. Alex put her hand gently on his arm “No Matt, you don't understand, she phoned to apologize and explain what happened, that she was playing you and well just everything you told me basically.”  
Matt visibly relaxed a bit and put his phone back in his pocket “Oh...um ok...that was err unexpected and considerate of her i suppose!”  
Alex smiled “Yes i thought so too, and she also said she had an interview to explain to the papers that the love triangle thing is crap as well!” Matt scoffed “yeah she wouldn't want her image tarnished with being involved in something like that I’m sure!” Alex shook her head “Oh Matt, even if it was to maintain her dignity...she did the right thing and that's all that matters.   
Matt sighed and started playing with a piece of stray cotton on his shirt. “So err...you believe me now then...about what happened?”. Alex looked at him carefully “Matt i already told you that i believed you...but it doesn't change things...this crazy idea you have of hanging around LA trying to impress me and expecting us to fall back into bed again to live happily ever after...Darling, it can’t work, when will you see this?”   
He looked back at her eyes piercing her very soul “When will you see that it can work Alex, that it has worked before... that it is working right now...Look at us...Me you and Sal...we could have so many days like this one...so simple and so perfect, I could never be happier...tell me...don't you feel the same?”…She sighed “I do feel happy Matt, but happiness has always come with a price and I'm scared to take that leap again...that's how i truly feel!”

Matt sighed and looked over to Sal, “that's something I can't help you with sweetheart... I'm sure at some point in the future you will regret never taking that leap of faith for us!”   
He sighed, “I know now though...i can feel it...You're going to break my heart aren't you?” He turned and brushed a curl behind her ear “just know, i will never... for one moment regret loving you Alex!” He got up and went to play football with Sal. 

They pulled up to the house and he climbed out giving Sal a super hug, she smiled “Thanks for a fun day Matty, i will practice my tricks for when I see you next time!” “You better young lady and try and teach your mother how to do at least 3 ay?” She giggled “Will do” she pulled him down to give him a kiss on the cheek, then ran off “Bye Matty see you later alligator”.  
He laughed “in a while crocodile”

Alex stood leaning on the car when he turned, She could see the hurt in his eyes now so clearly...she swallowed attempting to maintain her strength. “Thank you for a lovely day Matt...you have been amazing as always!” .   
He smiled but it didn't seem whole…”No Kingston, thank you for letting me spend time with you both...honestly...i loved every second of it!” He ran a hand through his hair… “I urm...i’m gonna go back home now i think Alex...back to the UK, i mean… I thought I could do this...but i...i can’t, it hurts too much...i love you...but you won't believe in us ...i don't think there's anything else i can do!”  
She couldn't look into his eyes any longer, “Matt i….” He broke her off “No its fine Alex you don't need to explain...i understand...you can't risk taking that leap of faith again...i get it...we're still friends yeah and you can still call me any time! I have Comic cons coming up so I will be too busy to mope around I'm sure...you just take care of yourself and Sal and call me if you need anything yeah?” 

She started to cry, “I’m sorry Matt...i’m so sorry i can’t…” He embraced her as tears filled his eyes “Its ok love, it's ok...it’s my fault... I put too much pressure on you...but..can I...can I just ask one thing before I go”, she pulled away “Yes”.   
He put a hand to caress her face, “a goodbye kiss...please...just one last kiss Kingston?”. She didn't even reply, she just reached up on her toes one hand around his back while her other ran up to run fingers through his hair, he leaned in and she pressed her lips tenderly to his, as tears fell down her cheeks, he opened up allowing her access and they kissed passionately as if trying to remember every taste, every touch and catalog every second into a secret place within their hearts!..  
Matt pulled away first, resting his forehead on hers, “Thank you Kingston” He kissed her head then turned to climb into the car...he drove off swiftly without looking back once.   
When he disappeared from sight Alex walked over to the garden wall and collapsed down it in floods of tears…`i got him to leave...it was for the best ...he will see that soon...he will be better off...but it hurts so bad...so so bad...i broke his heart...i broke my own heart….it hurts so bad!`

Later that night Alex tucked Salome into bed, “Mummy, why do you look so sad?”,  
“What... I'm fine Sal... I’m just a bit tired, that's all.”   
Salome sat up not buying it “Is it something to do with Matty mum?”   
Alex sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed “Well he's going back home now and I'm going to miss him a lot.”  
“I saw you kiss him...he looked sad too!”  
Alex looked at her in shock...trying to gather any words in her head to respond was proving difficult…”It was a goodbye kiss, Salome!”  
He loves you mummy!”  
She nervously laughed hearing such words coming from her daughter of all people...“How do you know that Matt loves me Salome?”  
She smiled, “I'm a kid mum, but I'm not blind, he’s so happy to be around you and he looks at you like you look at him...i know you love him too...why don't you ask him to stay...i don't mind you know...it would be pretty cool to have him live with us...don't you think so?”  
Alex was a bit taken aback at her quite frank deliberation...but she couldn't lie to her daughter “He wanted to stay with us Salome, it’s my fault he left.”  
Sal huffed “Mummy why would you let him go...he makes you happy...why did you send him away?”  
Alex looked down and started fiddling with her fingers...being interrogated by your own child was worse than she imagined…. “I was just...i don't know...its grown-up stuff….it’s difficult to explain to you!”  
Salome threw the covers off “you love him and he loves you, stop being so scared Mummy.”  
Alex stood up sighing “when did you become so grown up little madam...look we’ll discuss this tomorrow ok ...it's time for bed!” 

Alex went downstairs and poured herself a glass of wine...she sat on the sofa deep in thought…` you love him and he loves you...stop being so scared mummy!`   
Shaking her head in annoyance with herself, `fuck even my daughter knows I’m scared….great way to set an example Alex!`.   
She went to bed but didn't sleep much that night, thinking over everything in minute detail, from the first time she fell in love with Matt, how he easily he became the bestest friend she'd ever had...it was an instant bond, they connected perfectly!   
The special night in Utah, how he looked after her after the accident...how patient and understanding he has always been.   
She knows she’s always been a challenging person to be with...even more so since the accident...but Matt was the one that held her together!   
In all honesty, she doesn't think she would be here now if it wasn't for him... lighting the path through the darkness and chasing away her demons, becoming a rock that she found she could cling to in moments of struggle!   
Matt did everything he could for her and asked for nothing in return except her heart and she was too cowardly to let him have that`...eventually, her troubled mind exhausted itself and she fell to sleep feeling nothing but the loss of her guiding light!

The morning came and to be honest she felt like crap...she dropped Salome off at school...made herself a cup of tea...and sat in the garden. Her mind instantly drifted to when Matt came out in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, with his hair all wet and sat on the bench beside her...she smiled at how gorgeous he looked...she wished he was sitting with her right now...her heart started to beat faster….she gasped for breath like the air had been knocked out of her `fuck what did i do...i love him...i’m so fucking stupid...i need him... i can't live without him!` She ran through the house grabbing her car keys, nearly falling down the steps outside as she ran to her car `please God let him be there!`. 

Matt was in his hotel room his case was packed and the flight home was booked, he was ready to check out...he sighed sadly as he walked out to the balcony that looked out across LA…`he felt a hole in his heart that he knew could never be filled again by anyone but her...his Kingston! She was his world and now the world looked like nothing he knew...he felt lost and alone!

“Nock Nock Nock”

He turned and paced to the door...expecting perhaps he had overstayed his welcome. As he flung it open he did not expect to see a breathless Alex Kingston with tears running down her face, throwing her arms around his neck, “Matt”.   
He was shocked... it took him a moment to move…` She’s here...why is she here?...but she's here in my arms...it feels good`.   
His Arms wrapped around her tightly and he stepped back bringing her into the room, she didn't let go, “I’m so sorry Matt, please forgive me...i was stupid...i was scared….i still am ...but please, Darling please”.   
He pulled back to look at her tear stricken face and brushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb, “Kingston...what do you mean...why are you here love?...I don't understand what you're doing!”

She smiled through tears “I mean...i want you to come home Matt, please come home...i was scared ...but what is it your always saying…” never run when you're scared!   
I can do it now, i know i can...i want to take that leap with you...your everything to me.. i can't live without you, i love you beyond words Matt, I’m sorry for causing you so much hurt...I didn't mean it, please come home Darling”.   
Matt smiled lovingly, he couldn't believe his ears, he sighed as he hugged her tightly. Alex closed her eyes as her head rested on his chest.  
“Alex...love...i can't come home with you!”   
Her heart sank into the pit of her stomach as she pulled back to look at him unbreathing...a look of utter disbelief and devastation on her face. “W w what?”. Her voice was shaky.  
Matt brushed a curl behind her ear “I can't come home with you Kingston...well...unless... you allow me to buy that bloody sexy bike...honestly Kingston... I want you to ride up front more often because, hot damn, your arse was making me pedal like a donkey after a carrot !” He laughed.   
She took a moment to seriously comprehend his ridiculous words as they sunk in...before Slapping his arm with brute force “You fucking arse hole...why the hell would you do that?” Matt was laughing as she whacked him again.. “Sorry kingston I just couldn't help it..i think there's something wrong with me!.” How could she resist that beaming smile and ridiculous floppy hair.   
“She laughed with him, wrapping her arms around his waist “There is something definitely wrong with you...i’m going to regret this aren't i... you're going to turn our home into a fun house aren't you?” Matt smirked, “it's all about the fun Kingston!”   
“I hate you!”  
He lifted her chin “No you don't!”   
He picked her up excitedly and spun her around as they giggled when he eventually stopped, She pulled his head down to kiss him with a forceful passion, then pulled back smiling “of course i don’t...I bloody love you Mr Smith! “

The End


End file.
